Someone needs to tell Alternative Press magazine that their covers are not Hype Williams videos. Photoshop’s cool and all when you’re trying to shoop out some fatass frontman’s double chin, or get rid of some emo kid’s zits, but next month’s cover looks like a propaganda poster for Hitler Youth. Actually I’m sure both Anthony Green and Craig Owens both possess supernaturally luminous blue eyes, just like they can TOTALLY HIT ALL THOSE HIGH NOTES LIVE!!!!

In b4 “at least they still have a magazine”

So today there was yet another headline about Barry Bonds never-ending steroid saga, this time about OMG THE TESTIMONY WILL BE UNSEALED. First off, who fucking gives a shit anymore? Everyone who’s not a dipshit knows basically any baseball player worth a shit over the last 15 years has probably tried steroids at least once, if not taken them for some length of time. And you know what, it doesn’t make really any difference. If kids are stupid enough to take steroids because they want to be like Barry Bonds then back zits and small testicles are the least of their problems. At least they’ll be better at baseball, which is probably all their ultra-competitive, vicariously living parents really care about in the first place. The only thing I can hope is that kids who idolize Barry Bonds will NEVER EVER mismatch their blacks in such an unashamed fashion and wear as stupid looking of a hat as Bonds did in the file photo that accompanied today’s story. That shit is just unforgivable. And what’s up with that chain? That some shit some frat dude at Hard Rock Cafe would be rocking. Dude made like $30 million a year and he can’t afford some real bling? Steroids aren’t that expensive man.