Not that it’s a surprise, but R. Kelly was acquitted of all child porn charges today. It took them 6 years to go to trial, and the alleged female victim, who was as young as 13 at the time of the supposed crime, is now 23. As everyone in the world has read, the large mole that Mr. Kelly (who’s music is a fucking joke) has on his back was not visible on the man that appeared on the tape that was shown to the jury, and was the prosecutions only piece of real evidence.

What really scares me is that if it wasn’t R. Kelly peeing on that little girl in the video, then who was it? Some child pee-er on-er has been roaming free for years now, being allowed to urinate on any little girl he wants with no legal recourse!! He probably wised up and stopped video taping that shit once he realized that R. Kelly was about to take the rap for his pissings, but I have a hard time believing he stopped cruising 8th grade dances looking for chicks to use as human urinals.

Wanted: One child pisser that looks exactly like a shitty R & B singer minus a mole on his back.

Unless you’re a nerd, you may not know about the fervor being created around an unnamed J.J. Abrams movie that has been referred to as “Cloverfield.” All that’s really known about the film is that it seems to be some sort of monster movie that will be filmed hand-held from the point of view of those who are affected by the attack, and it is to be released on 1-18-08. J.J. Abrams, the man behind Lost and Alias, likes his secrets, and he also likes to fuck with his audience. Recently, Abrams broke the fourth wall, so to speak, with The Lost Experience, a series of Web sites that pertained to the show and helped create a sort of alternate reality that rabid fans, like myself, could participate in (and some of that shit was fucking freaky). Given the mysterious nature of the teaser trailer (you can see a great quality version here if you haven’t already), people began speculating. Over the past few days, I’ve heard rumors that range from a new Godzilla movie, to a film based on the HP Lovecraft sea beastie Cthulhu, to Voltron. Another recent theory posed on this message board (pg. 157) surmised that it might be a movie based on Revelation (which I think is a good possibility considering Abrams’ obsession with religious archetypes and ancient mysteries (see just about anything he’s ever done)).

A lot of the rumors have been more or less debunked, and of course, Abrams isn’t talking. According to this article, most of the cast didn’t even know what was going on. All of this mystery, of course, led to those with even more time on my hands than I have started doing some snooping, and it would appear that the marketing for “Cloverfield” may include an Alternate Reality Game (ARG if you’re hip to the lingo). A T-shirt of one of the people in the trailer reads “Slusho,” which led people to this Web site. It seems to be a regular Web site for some kind of Japanese soft drink, but closer inspection reveals some very peculiar things: Giant Whales? Deep Sea Exploration? A Secret Ingredient?! ZOMG!!1 Read the history. It’s weird. This is the only site that Abrams hasn’t denied may be a piece of the puzzle. You can also check out 1-18-08.com. You can free associate on those pictures for hours (a third one was added yesterday).

Nothing here is new. I’m kinda still filtering through shit. There’s a lot of game jackery and false leads out there too, but if anyone else has been following up on this instead of working, I’d love to hear more. In the mean time, I’ll be practicing my numerology.