Dan Aykroyd has lost it. Or this is a joke? I’m Russian and I love my vodka, but this is just plain creeping me out.

Thousands of years ago, thirteen crystal heads were scattered across the earth – and they are greater and more powerful than anything we have the ability to manufacture today. Their workmanship is perfect: they contain no tool marks and have been cut against the natural axis of the crystal, defying the laws of physics. Some say they are artifacts from the lost civilization of Atlantis, some say they date back to the Mayans, still others say they were created by a higher intelligence.

Brought together, the Crystal Heads are said to contain vast knowledge and enlightenment capable of unlocking our most enigmatic ancient mysteries. Alone, each is believed to house radiant psychic energy, which has magical powers and healing properties.

Got in the mail today, a delightful package from the equally delightful people at Tullamore Dew, makers of one of the finer Irish Whiskeys around and one of the top shelf favorites over at Duffy’s (so you know it’s legit). Alongside a couple samplers of the Dew, and a few other spirits distributed by parent company Skyy Spirits LLC (as in the vodka), was perhaps one of my new favorite libations: the 18-year Suntory single-malt “Yamakazi.” Having had the pleasure of sampling a variety of quality aged whiskeys (as well as more than a few shitty, young whiskeys) I have to say, that Bill Murray was right, man. For relaxing times, you really should make it Suntory Time.

Now please excuse me while I responsibly enjoy my treasure chest of executive booze. I’m looking forward to trying the new Tullamore Dew 10-year Old coming this winter, information on which you can find after the fold…after all, there’s no such thing as “free booze”: (more…)

This three part series of Absolut Vodka ads by marketing genius Zach Galifianakis is probably the most awkward way to promote your product, ever.

The only time I’ve ever flown JetBlue I had a huge layover and it royally sucked. Now I hear about this lady, Christina Szele, a 35-year-old New Yorker who decided it was a good idea to light up a cigarette on her JetBlue flight. After downing three vodka drinks she lit up in her seat with a match. Flight attendants tried to restrain Szele but she assaulted them by punching one attendant in the jaw and kicking and screaming. She then threatened to kill the attendant, dropped the N bomb and called him a “dumb mother fucker”.

She was traveling from New York to San Francisco but she caused the flight to make an emergency landing in Denver after her outburst. Szele had also drank beers before getting to the airport. She claims to not remember any of these incidences of lighting up or slugging the worker. She has been charged with disorderly conduct in the past. She is now facing charges of causing a disturbance, assault and interfering with a flight crew. This is a felony and she could get up to twenty years in prison.  Blacked out much?