I can kinda feel The Meltdowns on several levels. The first track that came up, “Tonight We Dine,” reminds me of what Michael Jackson would put out if he were raised on the Papa Roach cover of his own “Smooth Criminal,” but then decided about a year and a half later that he was “too indie” for Papa Roach anymore, sold off his Ibanez 7-string and downloaded every Gang of Four track he could find on SoulSeek. Unfortunately, he still ended up with a shipwrecked career all because he fondled a little boy’s penis. But now he writes frenetic, dancy-y, house party, dancing on the countertops punk and gets MAD GASH and free PBRs everywhere he goes. That’s just reason #1.

Also, I would like to point out that by swapping letters in the band name “Gang of Four,” you get “Fang of Gore”; and when you type “Fang of Gore” into a google image search, you get this:

That’s just reason #2 why you should click on The Meltdowns’ MySpace Page, befriend them, and then let them crash at your house when they’re on tour.

The Meltdowns’ debut EP, “No Authority, Direction, or Control” was released in January and should be purchased HERE. It sounds like demon dance party dogs tearing through a sweaty basement club and nipping at the heels of rad chicks with ugly-ass haircuts.

Don’t worry: Unlike both the real and the alternate reality Michael Jacksons, The MELTDOWNS WILL NOT TOUCH YOUR PENIS. (maybe.)

The Meltdowns have East Coast shows coming up. You can find them after the jump.
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A tornado in southeast Virginia touched down today, injuring at least 200 civilians in Suffolk. Video of the path of the tornadoes destruction looks horrifying, and the Governor has issued a state of emergency.

 The storm hit the 138-bed Sentara Obici Hospital, though Spieldenner said the facility was still operational and accepting patients.

A second storm, possibly a tornado, struck Colonial Heights — about 60 miles northwest, near Richmond — injuring at least 18 people, Spieldenner said.

Gov. Tim Kaine declared a Virginia-wide state of emergency as hazardous weather continued through the central part of the state.

The twister touched down just before 4 p.m. ET in Suffolk and plowed its way east into Norfolk, damaging scores of homes, stores and cars and downing dozens of trees and power lines, said National Weather Service meteorologist Bryan Jackson.

QUICK! EVERYBODY PANIC!

There is a strain of staph infection on the loose and it’s COMING STRAIGHT FOR YOU!

It goes in your EAR and is more deadly than HIV.

Not even our children are safe. It’s TARGETING OUR YOUNG!

There’s NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO KEEP SAFE FROM THE SUPERBUG!

Companies are positioning themselves to MAKE MONEY OFF YOUR MISERY!

Staphylococcus aureus! Streptococcus pneunomiae! HELP!!!!!!!!!

Actually, back when I had cable television, I remember watching a show on the History Channel about WWI, and how an outbreak of tuberculoses or some shit shortly after the war actually caused more American deaths than the whole war. As much as the media hypes up some terribly imperative issue to keep use paralyzed with fear, then quickly move on to the next news item to keep us paralyzed with fear, pausing only to talk about ugly-ass vapid heiresses and movie star marriages, what ens up killing us all will inevitably be something like the common cold. YAY!

Get this: one guy gets another guy to pose for him during a paternity test so that he won’t have to pay child support to his babymamma in Virginia. The reason? So his wife and children in Pennsylvania wouldn’t find out. Oh, and both men are officers in the US Army. Here’s to standing up for American values.

Full Article

CARLISLE, Pa. — Two high-ranking U.S. Army officers are accused of teaming up to deceive a paternity test so one of them could avoid making child-support payments.

When [Col. Scott] Carlson went to the domestic relations office in Cumberland County to deny paternity, he was told he would have to submit a DNA sample to show that he was not the father, officials said.

A month after that, officials said Carlson convinced Col. Bruce Adkins to pose as him and provide the DNA sample. The paternity test came back negative, but workers at the domestic relations office caught on to what was happening, officials said.

If convicted, the men face the possibility of prison time. Carlson is currently in Egypt. Adkins is stateside and is expected to turn himself in some time this week.

Officials said Carlson was trying to avoid paying the child support in Virginia because he was trying to keep the situation secret from his wife and children in Pennsylvania.