I could be writing about the bomb that blew up the Indian Embassy, or the amount of Americans killed in Iraq last week, but WHAT A BUMMER MAN! I know you’d all rather hear about the Lovely and Talented Nicole Kidman and her Lovely and Talented baby girl, Sunday Rose.

Sunday Rose? Really? Actually, it’s not terrible for a celebrity baby name. It’s no Dweezil though.

From BBC:

Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman has given birth to a baby girl called Sunday Rose in Nashville and both are doing well, her spokeman has said.
He said the couple were “delighted” to announce the birth, and that the baby weighed 6lb 7.5oz.
“Keith [Urban] was by Nicole’s side and mother and baby are very well,” he added.
It is the first child the actress has given birth to. She has two adopted children, Connor and Isabella, with former husband actor Tom Cruise.

I hate Tom Cruise. Most of you have probably seen this clip before, but I was reminded of this again today, and proceeded to rewatch it like 13 times. As noted by the anonymous AIM friend who sent me the link: “i like how he says ‘you’re a jerk’ like he’s never actually seen a jerk before and he’s amazed to finally identify a jerk…”

According to the Norwegian tabloid Verdens Gang, Kaja Bordevich Ballo, daughter of Norwegian Parliament member Olav Gunnar Ballo, reportedly took her own life [English translation] after scoring poorly on a Scientology personality test. There is some skepticism as to the validity of the report. The results of the test were time-stamped just hours before Ballo’s death, but this could merely be an excuse to cover up the real cause of death, given that Kaja comes from a politically motivated family.

As you may have heard, the personality test, also called the Oxford Capacity Analysis (OCA) or American Personality Analysis, is offered free by the Church of Scientology and comprises an integral part of their recruitment efforts. The test however, has been extensively criticized as it almost exclusively yields negative results. Here are some testimonials from people who have taken the test:
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I love stoners. Their humor is so absurd and silly. The latest joke is the new strain of marijuana they’re calling “Tom Cruise Purple.” LOL! You totally see visions of L. Ron Hubbard and laugh your ass off maniacally. And Mr. Cruise? Not amused.

One of Cruise’s friends found it “outrageous” that licensed cannabis clubs in Northern California are selling vials of pot featuring a picture of Cruise laughing hysterically. One weed devotee said, “I heard it’s the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate.”

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The Church of Scientology has caused many a media stir over the past few years. This is in full due to certain high profile members making public their beliefs. The “Church” itself has in fact existed since the early 1950’s, pushed along by founding kook L. Ron Hubbard. This small minority of religious belief made but a peep (with exception to the failure of Hubbard’s “E-meter” which was found to have no medical value in 1971) till the likes of Tom Cruise began boasting their faith. In wake of the storm kicked up by Cruises’ recent YouTube testimonial, an internet based group referring to themselves simply as “Anonymous” has declared war on Scientology. In the past week Anonymous has even managed to crash the Church’s website, and vows to take further action.

My question is this: who gives a damn about Scientology? A quick perusing of the Church’s official website makes one simple truth very clear; Scientology is a cult. In reality, the words “religion” and “cult” have eerily similar definitions, but “cult” is typically applied to groups smaller in number and further from mainstream religious thought. Double standard as that may be, I will happily make light of the fact that Scientology is nothing more than a simplistic oddity. Their values read like an Idiot’s Guide To Self-Help and harp upon ambiguous universalities. The maxims and aphorismatic nonsense spouted by Scientologists is worth little heed, especially in the case of Tom Cruise. This is not a dangerous sect; it is a fringe set of beliefs with little to no place in today’s world. Scientology will never amount to anything more than an Entertainment Tonight bulletin, and perhaps therein lies the problem. Because these beliefs are so unimportant and harmless, and because “religious” zealots like Tom Cruise are deep within the public eye, Scientology makes for good clean headline bashing. No real harm or danger will result from their repeated trouncing.

So hey, Anonymous, while your efforts are duly noted, maybe just leave this group be. Maybe find a real enemy to attack. Scientology means little in the scope of society’s problems. It’s just another media fad.

UPDATE: For more information on Anonymous LURK MOAR

UPDATE: As I should have stated earlier: although I may strongly disagree with a Scientologist’s take on life and death, they still have a right to express their beliefs like anyone else.

Paging Philip K. Dick:

In August 2007, software giant Microsoft filed a patent application for a system that would allow it to access thoughts. The patent describes pattern-recognition techniques that can be applied to electroencephalograph (EEG) signals – a measure of electrical activity in the brain – to determine what cognitive state the subject is in.

And you thought that Zune ad we used to have on this blog was annoying…wait until those fuckers can get in your MIND, brah! It’ll be like that shitty Tom Cruise movie a few years ago, Minority Report, where the billboards talked to you and knew your name and all that. Maybe we’ll all get lucky and Apple will figure it out first. At least then shit will be tasteful. A gentle mindfuck, if you will.