The moustache: A symbol of virility. A warning sign that you are NOT to be fucked with. A great opening to chatting with random dudes at SXSW.

“Sweet ’stache, man.” Honestly, I make these kind of comments to random dudes when they have sweet facial hair, and it’s not out of some deep seated latent homosexuality (maybe), but out of honest appreciation of a well groomed and styled face-mane.

I’ve been working on my ’stache for a short time, only recently moving beyond moustache 101. But I still relish getting tips from Advanced Students of the hirsute arts. Following The Death Set’s Wednesday afternoon Emo’s performance I found myself outside and close to a dude with a sweet ’stache. “Dude, That’s A Sweet Moustache.” Instantly we were comrads in meaningful conversation. His name, of all things, was Mortimer, and Dude was rad. He gave me a few tips, which I am happy to impart upon you, dear readers.

Tip #1: Use Clubman

Mortimer’s moustache, black and full, was styled perfectly into curly tips with the aid of the fine wax from Clubman. I too use Clubman, but mine was not nearly as perfect as his, which lead me to even more sagacious advice:

Tip #2: Don’t Touch the Moustache. “As much as you can, avoid touching your moustache after you apply the wax. The oils in your fingers really mess it up.” He commented that I had a “nice work in progress,” but that I had obviously touched my moustache after styling it, hence rendering it unfurled and no longer totally sweet.

Today I took his advice, and for a minute I was, if not world class, at least notable for my curly Qs. However, soon the right side was a broom instead of a bale. Why? Drinks.

Tip #3: Never get your moustache wet. Never. Unless it’s from, uh, “intimate activities.” Sweet ’staches sometimes bring that, and that may be the best wax of all. But coffee and alcohol will ruin your styling if you’re not careful.

No go forth, children of rad facial pursuits, and learn from Mortimer’s wisdom. Start off slow, but if you feel ready for Advanced Studies, or just an impressive array of possibilities, consult Worldbeardchampionships.com.

Men as peacocks. BEHOLD!

Try as they might, no one at SXSW comes even close to this champion. Bring it.

So I typed up this really enchanting bit of journalistic brilliance just now, full of shout outs to Brooklyn, NY’s, Dub Trio for being super rad to myself and Video Matt for our interview, with subtle jabs at the head of security at the Four Seasons for unlawfully discriminating against Video Matt for toting his camera around the lobby, and basically saying that I don’t hate Does It Offend You, Yeah anymore.

But then the goddamn Internets went and sullied up my prose and deleted it forever from anywhere. So, with that in mind, this next blog will be a bit truncated.

The Short And Skinny: I exited the elevator this morning to the grizzled countenance of one Lyle Lovett. Apparently, the Four Seasons plays host to an early morning radio program that’s filmed live and Mr. Lovett was the guest of honor.

I interviewed Dub Trio a couple of hours ago here in our hotel room. ‘Twas magical in every way magic can be.

There are way too many parties to attend right now, but journalism is journalism; the show must go on. Speaking of shows, tonight Serj Tankian, Tom Morello and a bunch of other super rock heroes will be playing at Stubb’s, as well as The Weakerthans and the Victory Records Showcase. Hot damn!

Expect a more detailed hullabaloo very soon… I have to fix my brain…

I know we’ve been going on and on about awesome BBQ and all, but really, the real shit is actually not eating. In an environment like SXSW one can sustain one’s self on merely music and alcohol, and if your love of the song is strong enough, and your liver determined and faithful, you can really make a hell of a week out not really eating.

Sure, free food during the day isn’t hard to come by. To entice you into seeing some random-ass going-nowhere-fast bands (and good ones as well), companies put on BBQs, spreads, and hell even give away shoes and other swag. But by not eating, you can make the most out of those free beverages that are there as well. It’s much like drunkarexia, (as discussed previously in this blog). Actually, it’s exactly drunkarexia.

There’s also a shit ton of things to do, elbows to rub, egos to stroke, and sometimes in the rush of bouncing from venue to venue like a manic pinball, you just plain forget to eat something. Like I did. Running around Austin on nothing but my morning’s bagel, some snacks from Canadian Blast’s show, and most of a pack of Parliament Lights is A VERY GOOD IDEA. You can pretty much carve tat on my tomb stone. At this rate that will probably occur sooner than later. I know, not nearly as epic as “Don’t Try,” but Charles Bukowski I am not, and dong nothing but drinking and watching bands all day and then writing about it does not necessarily make you a writer.

But it doesn’t hoit.

If this happens to you, like it did to me last night, don’t worry. Hang in there. And by all means, write a fucking blog.

Also, I just saw Michael Stipe sitting in the lobby by the elevator. I didn’t want to bother him, but I changed my mind once I got back to my room. By the time I had returned he was gone. I was totally going to give him my band’s album in case he needed a coaster.

There’s something I like about Central Time. Being two hours ahead of the time zone we normally exist in for some reason feels right. So we’re sitting here in the lobby at the Four Seasons (which is quite comfortable I might add) finishing up some video editing from last nights opening pregame SXSW foray while ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons is behind me chilling at the bar having a morning beer.

While SXSW offers opportunities to see rather large bands in relatively small settings (REM at Stubbs, anyone?), I more look forward to discovering new, not widely known acts. One band that I’m really excited for is The Death Set, a Baltimore-via-Sydney spaz punk/electro duo (or quartet, depending on how many drummers they’ve roped into the show). They’re supposed to put on a very fun, in-your-face show and have kids hanging from the rafters and all…in a short time they’ve built a reputation that they will hopefully live up to when I see them play in about 3 hours. Check back for our video interview soon, and in the meantime, here’s their SXSW schedule.

Mar 12 2008 12:30A Todd P Midnight acoustic BBQ @ “The Six Pack” on UT Campus Austin, Texas
Mar 12 2008 4:00P SXSW Terrorbird 4pm @Emos Austin, Texas
Mar 13 2008 2:30P SXSW 2:30pm Above The Radar Party @ Trophys Austin, Texas
Mar 13 2008 8:00P SXSW 8pm Bikes in the Kitchen party @ Ms Beas Austin, Texas
Mar 13 2008 10:30P SXSW Ninja Tune showcase @ Elysium Austin, Texas
Mar 14 2008 5:15P SXSW 5:15pm Vice party @ The Victory Grill Austin, Texas
Mar 14 2008 11:30P SXSW I Heart Comix @ The Austin Garage Austin, Texas

In the coming days you’ll most likely want us to STFU about SXSW, so I’ll keep this introductory South By Southwest blog brief. For those unfamiliar, SXSW is a music festival in Austin, TX where music industry professionals and semi-professionals from around the globe come to schmooze, ink deals and drink as much free alcohol as possible while seeing some of the largest (and smallest) bands play in some of the smallest venues. For instance, one of 2006’s highlights was seeing the Flaming Lips with about 250 people.

It’s spring break for the music industry, and Synthesis is here in Austin on assignment to bring you some sweet video coverage (which you can see via our youtube page).

Things that Rule about Austin, TX: BBQ. It’s enough to turn a vegetarian insane with meat rage, and for all those who are trying to keep away from the savory deliciousness of places like Ironworks or Stubbs, we wish you the best of luck. I put my veg status on away for the week. Our other vegetarian crumbled upon entering Ironworks, and soon tears were streaming from his eyes as he gorged on beef ribs. Tears of pure rib joy. Now we all know why Adam got all nuts and got himself and Eve kicked out of the Garden of Eden: was missing out on ribs.
Things that you don’t want to have happen on your first day of SXSW: your camera decides that it is done with life. On the first day. Drat. Double drat. My screen is broken, and without a viewfinde my camera is pretty much useless. Hence, a blog without original pictures. Le sigh.

Some Day 1 stats:
Sweet beards witnessed: 3 (I judge a beard as beings “sweet” if it’s four fingers long. Mine is not yet sweet.)
Close encounters with famous rock stars: 2 (Velvet Underground kingpin Lou Reed and ZZ Top guitarist Billy Gibbons are staying at our hotel. Apparently Billy Bob Thornton is also here, but that was reported to me by video matt.)
Lone Star Beers consumed: 3
Sweet photos taken: 0
People staying in our 2-person luxury suite: 5
People I’ve caught eying me, trying to figure out if I was “somebody”: 17 or so

Hey, it was a travel day and we haven’t been here more than a few hours. Besides I said I wouldn’t write about the Dub Trio show we all caught because someone else is gonna blog about that shit.