Heather Locklear is going through some major hardships in her life right now. Locklear recently entered rehab treatment due to her severe anxiety and depression. The 46-year-old actress divorced from rockstar husband Richie Sambora in 2006. Since the traumatic divorce process, Locklear has been battling deep depression. Sambora is a tool anyways. Earlier this year, in March, a friend feared for her life and called 911 because they thought Locklear was going to commit suicide. Keep ya head up! & damn she looks good for 46.

“Suicide Is Painless” would be a pretty bad ass final quote to scrawl in the dust on the hood of your car right before you did a swan dive off a bridge, at least that’s what Samuel Israel III thought. The convicted “hedge fund swindler” was supposed to report to federal prison after being sentenced to 20 years in April for being a thieving little bastard. He convinced investors to put more than $450 million in to Bayou hedge funds, which have since collapsed, and was ordered to pay back $300 million to his victims.

Too bad this whole thing is guaranteed to be a farce. The FBI says there has been no body found, and nobody saw anybody jump. I can’t say I blame the dude for faking it though. I mean, if somebody was like “show up at my office in a few weeks to report to prison where you are sure to get used like a dick receptical for about 20 years straight” I would probably find a way to fuck off in the meantime too.

Word from the Hillary Clinton camp is that she is going to FINALLY fuck off and back Barack Obama on Saturday. But I think we all know the truth: she is making her play to become his running mate as Vice President.

The country did pretty fucking well while Ol’ Bill Clinton was getting his cock sucked by slightly overweight slags in the Oval Office for 8 years, so having an Obama/Clinton ticket could do pretty well. Not because people want Hillary in the White House, but because they want Barack Obama in the White House and they trust Bill Clinton to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t royally fuck things up.

At the same time, if I were Barack (we are on a first name basis) I would tell Hillary to kiss my ass in the county square for dragging this bull shit out for so long and talking too many people out of voting for me and ask John Edwards or some other safe white dude. Thanks to her, now it’s going to be a huge uphill battle to beat crusty ass Republican John McCain at a time when people should be clamoring to vote for anything with a “D” next to it on election day because George W Bush has been a total slap dick for 8 years straight.

So, thanks for the gesture Hillary, but I have a hard time buying it. You’ve been getting cheated on with multiple partners for most, if not all of your marriage, but liked the power of the office too much to tell Bill to kick rocks like any self respecting woman would have done, and this is no different. Veep is better than nothing!

“Barack!! I didn’t mean all that shit I said about you bro! You know that’s just business. We’re still cool right? ….right?”

A 14-year-old Japanese girl committed suicide by mixing laundry detergent and cleansers, then unwittingly poisoned 90 of her fellow neighbors with the pungent waft as a result.

The girl’s suicide Wednesday night was part of an expanding string of similar deaths that experts say have been encouraged by Internet suicide sites.

A 31-year-old man outside Tokyo killed himself inside a car early Thursday by mixing detergent and bath salts, police said. A local police spokesman refused to give further details, but Kyodo News agency reported the man put a sign reading “Stay Away” on the car window.

Reports of another similar case emerged Thusday afternoon when a 42-year-old woman in Nagoya, central Japan, was found dead in a bathtub. According to Kyodo, there was toilet cleaner and bath powder nearby, along with a sign outside that read, “Poisonous gas being emitted. Caution.”

Internet suicide sites?! What the hell is wrong with us? Not to mention, what the hell is wrong with Japan?

Japan’s government has long battled to contain the country’s alarmingly high suicide rate. A total of 32,155 people killed themselves in 2006, giving the country the ninth highest rate in the world, according to the government.

Suicides first passed the 30,000 mark in 1998, near the height of an economic slump that left many bankrupt, jobless and desperate.

The government has earmarked $220 million for anti-suicide programs to help those with depression and other mental conditions.

Last year it set a goal of cutting the suicide rate by 20 percent in 10 years through steps such as reducing unemployment, boosting workplace counseling and filtering Web sites that promote suicide.

It’s a good thing we’re too distracted by Lost and Britney Spears to be anywhere near the top 10 most suicidal countries. America Wins again!

According to the Norwegian tabloid Verdens Gang, Kaja Bordevich Ballo, daughter of Norwegian Parliament member Olav Gunnar Ballo, reportedly took her own life [English translation] after scoring poorly on a Scientology personality test. There is some skepticism as to the validity of the report. The results of the test were time-stamped just hours before Ballo’s death, but this could merely be an excuse to cover up the real cause of death, given that Kaja comes from a politically motivated family.

As you may have heard, the personality test, also called the Oxford Capacity Analysis (OCA) or American Personality Analysis, is offered free by the Church of Scientology and comprises an integral part of their recruitment efforts. The test however, has been extensively criticized as it almost exclusively yields negative results. Here are some testimonials from people who have taken the test:
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Wednesday, the body of a 48-year-old construction worker was found hanging from one of the rafters of a construction site on a property owned by controversial filmmaker/actor Mel Gibson.

“Detectives along with paramedics arrived at the scene and the gentleman was pronounced dead on arrival. Cause of death will be determined by the Los Angeles Coroner’s office,” Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department Det. Eddie Brown told E! News.

Based on the state of his body, which was reportedly in “full-body rigor mortis,” authorities believe his death might have occurred on the night before he was discovered. So far, officials say no note was found, and no clear reason for the suicide has been identified.

“There were three additional co-workers there, one of them notified the police,” Brown added. “Nobody lives on the property, it’s only wood framework.”

TMZ.com is reporting that the suicide victim was Michael John Van Dyke, who also worked as a prop foreman for the Psycho remake.