Roger Clemens: World Series Champion, Cy Young winner, ageless wonder…Steroid Abuser. End of story.

The past month in major league baseball since the delivery of the Mitchell Report has seen more harumphs than Blazing Saddles. The Rocket, because of his elevated status in the statistical history of the game, has been at the eye of the storm. By now you are undoubtedly familiar with the story. Today saw five plus hours of Congressional testimony by former trainer Brian McNamee and Clemens both. Representatives jumped to the defense of both men at times, but also attacked, depending on their personal takes on the matter. Dan Burton, R-Indianapolis, vehemently defended Clemens, barraging McNamee like a school bully. But, despite Clemens making a more convincing witness than McNamee, who has admittedly made a handful of false statements, former teammate Andy Pettite has not backed down as to Clemens’ guilt. Pettite, as you may or may not know, was another major name listed in the Mitchell report, and has come clean about his use of steroids and Human Growth Hormone. He maintains that Clemens was a fellow abuser, despite their once inseparable friendship. And on top of all this, McNamee now alleges that he injected Clemens’ wife, Debbie, with HGH as well.

What a circus! Can any real good can come of these hearings? The answer: NO! Roger Clemens reputation has been permanently tarnished, and in my opinion, rightfully so. I don’t care if there is a lack of “physical evidence.” With the list of players named in the Mitchell report that have already come clean due to accusation, how does it figure that Clemens, who was detailed more than any other player, stands as some exception to guilt? Is it reasonable to assume that McNamee decided to make all of this up after players like Andy Pettite and Chuck Knoblauch, former teammates of Clemens, have already come clean to allegations? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I can just picture McNamee, Pettite and Knoblauch sitting around the fire in the den of a cozy log cabin, smoking big cigars and drinking brandy…

“Hey gang,” says Pettite. “Anybody up for incriminating ourselves and ruining our reputations?”
“Only if we can bring down the Rocket,” pipes in Knoblauch.
“Well,” starts McNamee, “than have I got a story for you..”

Yeah, I bet it went something like that. Then the three of them had a quick tumble in the hay and went sledding.
Roger Clemens is guilty folks. There’s nothing else to it. The world is not always the conspiratorial box of slime that lawyers might want us to believe.

MTV.com is reporting that Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean are among the names included in the ongoing steroid investigation that has already rocked Major League Baseball:  

The report claims that the singers and rappers are among tens of thousands of people who may have either used or received prescribed shipments of steroids and injectable human growth hormone (HGH) in recent years. But law enforcement officials said they don’t have evidence that musicians and other customers violated any laws. Instead, the probe focuses on anti-aging clinics, doctors and pharmacists who prescribed the drugs.Medical experts told the paper that the alleged use of the drugs in the entertainment industry — which is already a human laboratory for anti-aging shortcuts from collagen, fat and botox injections to a laundry list of plastic-surgery procedures — is proof of how steroid use has spread in this country. 

I mean, 50 Cent I can believe. Dude is ripped like a motherfucker. But Mary J. Blige on the juice?  What is this world coming to when famous musicians are abusing drugs to further their careers??! 

Former Senator George Mitchell’s report on the widespread use of steroids in Major League Baseball was finally released today. Over 409 pages it basically says what most people already know, that most any decent baseball player of the last two decades was so juiced on roids that his balls were probably the size of seedless grapes:

“Everyone involved in baseball over the past two decades - commissioners, club officials, the players’ association and players - shares to some extent the responsibility for the steroids era,” Mitchell said. “There was a collective failure to recognize the problem as it emerged and to deal with it early on.”

For added lulz, the report named names, listing 75 players who were shown to have used Performance Enhancing drugs, including Roger Clemens, Miguel Tejada, Kevin Brown, Benito Santiago, Lenny Dykstra, Chuck Knoblauch, David Justice, Mo Vaughn and Andy Pettitte. LENNY!!!?? Say it ain’t so! Full list after the jump:

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