Ken Griffey Jr. of the Cincinnati Reds hit his 600th career home run today in Florida off of Mark Hendrickson. Griffey joins Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays and Sammy Sosa as a member of the ultra-exclusive 600 HR club.

But here’s what makes Griffey so special: He’s the only member of the modern era inductees (Bonds and Sosa) that did not abuse steroids. So basically, he’s more legit in my book. And how Griffey has managed to achieve this feat on top of the litany of injuries that has plagued a large portion of his career is nothing short of amazing.

David Jacobs, the guy that not only ratted out several NFL players for using steroids, but exposed an entire performance enhancing drug ring, was found dead in his home yesterday. Him and his lady were both shot. I know the NFL is serious fucking business, but offing a dude and his lady for dropping the dime on you is a tad overboard. Granted, it probably wasn’t the players that commissioned the hit (and make no mistake, this was a hit), it was probably the guys he bought all of the shit from, but still.

My point of writing about this is not to talk about some roided out dude that got murdered, but to say the performance enhancing drug hunt by the government may have gotten a tad out of control at this point. They are trying to send Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens to jail, statistics have all become tainted, and now people that provide info to help the investigation are dying. I think a far better way of dealing with the obviously prevalent steroid problem is not to try and catch everyone that has done it in the past - because they ALL do it - but to say “we know that it was a problem in the past, so from this day on we are going to improve the drug testing and make sure it doesn’t happen anymore.”

The blood lust for past users has now cost two lives, not to mention the careers and reputations for several great athletes that are taking a bullet for their entire generation. I’m not saying I condone steroid use, all I’m saying is stop trying to punish the people that have done it in the past and just start punishing the guys that are doing it now. I’m sure the Jacobs family would agree.

Carrot Top, (born Scott Thompson, February 25, 1965), is an entertainment anomaly. First making a name for himself as a prop comic, for a time he was the butt of everyone’s jokes. You’d find him popping up in random places (anyone else ever listen to his unlikely audio commentary on Rules of Attraction? I got through about 15 minutes of it before I started clawing at my wrists…)

Well, as it turns out, Carrot Top is NOT to be fucked with. No idea if it’s legit or the work of the roids, but there’s no way around it: Carrot Top could crush you.

He kinda looks like Chico’s most famous transsexual ice cream shop manager, Tedra.

scaaaary!

In the ongoing saga that has become Roger Clemens vs former trainer Brian McNamee, “new shit has come to light.” Clemens, who on January 6th filed a defamation suit against McNamee, is now surrounded by speculation of a decade long affair with country music artist Mindy McCready. According to McNamee’s attorney:

“When you sue for defamation, you put your whole reputation in the community at issue. Anything is fair game, including his claim of sanctimonious purity.”

Clemens will hold that McCready has been nothing more than “a close family friend.” Either way, this situation cannot play out to anything better than a game of he said/she said. The circus that surrounds Clemens seems to gain more and more dancing bears as the months pass, and you can flat forget any notion of Clemens ever going to baseball’s Hall Of Fame.

The only sensible action at this point would be for Clemens to drop the defamation case. Without such an action, Clemens’ family is going to be unfairly and mercilessly tortured by a sex hungry media.

The Ultimate Warrior really missed his calling. I mean, he was a bad ass wrestler and all, but I think he would have brought the field of slam poetry to new heights…

I mean, I made a brief compilation of wiki quotes attributed to one Mr. Warrior that would RULE over all the current slam shit:

Normal people, the people that walk the streets every day, we cannot understand!
How must I prepare you must ask yourself.
Should I jump off the tallest building in the world?
Should I lay on the lawn and let it run over me with lawnmowers?
Should I go to Africa and let it trample me with raging elephants?
Dig your claws into my organs! Stretch into my tendons! Bury your angers into my bones!
This freak of nature right here is just beginning to swell.
And when I get big enough, brother, there ain’t gonna be room for anybody else but me and all the Warriors floating through the veins, and the power of the Warriah~

Ah Ultimate Warrior, thanks for the inspiration and perpetual perspiration:

Roids man….roids. DON’T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO HIS EYES!!!!!!!!

So today there was yet another headline about Barry Bonds never-ending steroid saga, this time about OMG THE TESTIMONY WILL BE UNSEALED. First off, who fucking gives a shit anymore? Everyone who’s not a dipshit knows basically any baseball player worth a shit over the last 15 years has probably tried steroids at least once, if not taken them for some length of time. And you know what, it doesn’t make really any difference. If kids are stupid enough to take steroids because they want to be like Barry Bonds then back zits and small testicles are the least of their problems. At least they’ll be better at baseball, which is probably all their ultra-competitive, vicariously living parents really care about in the first place. The only thing I can hope is that kids who idolize Barry Bonds will NEVER EVER mismatch their blacks in such an unashamed fashion and wear as stupid looking of a hat as Bonds did in the file photo that accompanied today’s story. That shit is just unforgivable. And what’s up with that chain? That some shit some frat dude at Hard Rock Cafe would be rocking. Dude made like $30 million a year and he can’t afford some real bling? Steroids aren’t that expensive man.