Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

[The following was written by Synthesis Weekly columnist Emilie Clark. She can be reached at emilie@synthesis.net.]

Coming Soon

It’s a well-known fact that people like to adapt movies from books. It’s also a well-known fact that most of these efforts suck. So it’s my job to warn you about upcoming adaptations so you have ample time to read the book. This gives you the chance to complain about inconsistencies and general “suckiness” while still in the theater, making you look learned and therefore more attractive. You can thank me later.

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, July 4th: This is a documentary, so I guess it won’t really do to get mad about liberties taken with the adaptation. But it can’t hurt to read some of the famous Gonzo’s work if only for your own amusement. From the description it seems like the filmmakers are big fans, which can be bad in a documentary if you’re trying to eek out truth. The gist I get is that the point the film makes is that Thompson did what journalists are too afraid to do nowadays, namely get high and write caustic things about politicians. This may be true, but I easily tire of ‘60s and ‘70s nostalgia. Sure people were a bit crazier back then and I’m sure there are things to be learned from that era, but it’s over, so deal.

Journey To the Center of the Earth 3D, July 11th: Based on the classic Jules Verne novel about a rogue scientist who travels to, you guessed it, the center of the earth. According to Wikipedia, this novel didn’t age as well as some of Verne’s other works, because he was mostly wrong about what is contained in the center of the earth. However, none of that really matters because this movie is in 3D. And I will watch anything in 3D, even if it stars Brendan Fraser.

more upcoming adaptations after the jump.
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In honor of Mary-Kate’s loss, here’s a video of Stars’ “Your Ex-Lover is Dead.”

A buddy of mine posted a bulletin with this Stars video this morning, and it reminded me of how much ruleage this band achieves. Just one more reason to love Arts & Crafts Records and Toronto. Enjoy.