I’m really glad I got a text from our good friend and balls champion earlier today. You see, I was about to go out on the street and slang, and I was about to do it all wrong. My boy told me to look up “Thug life Commandments,” and I’m glad he did. In Thug Life’s “Ten Crack Commandments Interpreted by True OGs,” we learn the tips of the trade, and ways to continue to follow the true American entrepreneurial spirit without getting shot or locked up.

Take for instance Rule #5. I was about to start selling meth to college freshmen out of my bedroom, but now I know better.:

5th Commandment
Never Sell No Crack Where You Rest At

If you sell crack where you lay yo head, yo crib gon become a target fo 5-0, jackers, addicts and niggas who rob slangas. To avoid this heat, git you some crack houses, Find abandoned cribs in da hood and tak’em over. Fortify yo shit wit security bars, steel doors and security cameras and git you some young and up and coming hoods to be yo lookouts.

Not sure how well this translates from crack to meth, but it’s a good start, and some decent guidelines for sure. This is the shit that the characters in The Wire kinda gloss over. It’s like they figure you should already know this shit because you grew up with it. That’s fucked. Us suburban middle class-raised white folks sure have a major disadvantage. KnowaddimeSane?

…except he died in 1993. In celebration of his (posthumous) birthday, today I will be partaking in the totally pompous act of using one of the Nasdat slang words from 1962’s A Clockwork Orange in conversation. I’m leaning toward “lewdies.” I fully expect to receive a punch in the face before sunset unless I’m holed up at The Naked Lounge all day.

Check out a full glossary of ACO slang words.
(more…)

So some Houston police officer got suspended for co-creating and distributing what essentially sounds like a Eubonics-to-Standard English translation ‘zine, with pictures. And folks are up in arms. I don’t really want to chime in on the topic of the Ghetto Handbook until i see a copy for myself, so I’ll hold off on my opinion for a minute.

Grudge Report: “Ghetto Handbook” Leads to Persecution
AP: Officer Suspended Over `Ghetto Handbook’

The booklet billed itself as a guide to Ebonics, teaching the reader to speak “as if you just came out of the hood.” It included definitions such as “foty: a 40-ounce bottle of beer”; “aks: to ask a question”; and “hoodrat: scummy girl.”

Again, I haven’t seen the booklet or its pictures so this could be taken out of context, but the above-quote doesn’t seem insulting or degrading to me. What do you think? Last year I had to explain to my uncle what a forty was. One of my favorite shows Futurama uses ‘aks’ in their futuristic Standard English. And there are far worse terms for scummy girls than hoodrats. Maybe the pictures are on some shit or something.

Personally, I just say they should have passed the cops copies of Aye Jay’s Gangsta Rap Coloring Book instead.