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New scientific research shows that simply sitting, for extended periods of time, effects the body in all sorts of detrimental, fat producing ways:

Scientists have found intriguing evidence that one major reason so many people are overweight these days may be as close as the seat of their pants. Literally. According to the researchers, most of us sit too much.

In most cases, exercise alone, according to a team of scientists at the University of Missouri, isn’t enough to take off those added pounds. The problem, they say, is that all the stuff we’ve heard the last few years about weight control left one key factor out of the equation. When we sit, the researchers found, the enzymes that are responsible for burning fat just shut down.

This goes way beyond the common sense assumption that people who sit too much are less active and thus less able to keep their weight under control. It turns out that sitting for hours at a time, as so many of us do in these days of ubiquitous computers and electronic games and 24-hour television, attacks the body in ways that have not been well understood.

So excuse me while I go walk around the block and probably stop at Starbucks for a Venti White Mocha. With whip. Which I guess would be reason #2 I’m a fatass. Reason #3 is probably Mountain Mikes. #4 would be a tie between Budweiser, Schlitz and, to keep it local, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. #5 would be Taco Trucks (who have fallen from their record setting run at #1 due to a stringently enforced ban by wifey). I could keep going but I really do need to take a fucking walk.