Two cops in Florida respond to a call regarding an 8-foot alligator in an apartment complex parking lot. Instead of waiting for animal control, one of the two morons decides to wrestle it. After being thrown off, bitten and bloodied, the second cop takes out his gun and shoots the gator twice in the head. These idiots are currently being “reprimanded.” KILL KILL KILL!

Say it ain’t so, Marvin!

Hall of Fame to be wide receiver of the Indianapolis Colts, Marvin Harrison, is under investigation after a shooting incident outside his North Philadelphia bar, Playmakers. Apparently there was an argument, followed by an altercation outside, shots were fired, and Harrison’s opponent was hit in the hand. Police have linked a gun to Harrison, but no charges have yet to be filed.

I just don’t want to picture Marvin Harrison as some sort of punk. He’s always been classy on the field, and I would like to keep that image in my head. We’ll see how it shakes out…

A book signing turned deadly. Apparently signing a book is not gangsta enough for some people.

All hell broke loose late last night, April 13, at a release party for the new exposé book on super producer Dr. Dre. “Rolling With Dre” is a tell-all book written by former Dre business associate Bruce Williams, in which he details his supposed tumultuous time spent with the producer. The party was held in Tukwila, Washington at Gordon’s on the Green, a restaurant owned by the city. It is not known what exactly started the fighting but by 2AM shots rang out and people started dropping. Two unnamed men were hit, one pronounced dead.

Yawn:

Omaha police said nine people were dead, including the alleged shooter, after shots were fired inside the Von Maur store at Westroads Mall on Wednesday afternoon. Five more were injured, two critically, police said. Police asked family members to go to the Hampton Inn at Westroads to learn more from police. The police chaplain was seen arriving there after 4 p.m. Wednesday to meet with family members and officers who responded.

The shooter at Westroads Mall was identified as Robert A. Hawkins of Bellevue, according to the Sarpy County Sheriff’s Department, and a suicide note said he was going to be famous. Hawkins, 19, had been arrested on a couple of misdemeanors in November and was due in court this month.

Well I guess he got what he was looking for. Robert Hawkins, now officially an hero.

Flesh-eating zombies were on the loose in Northern California. The cops couldn’t control and contain them. By high noon, it was every man for himself. There was only one option left: the Synthesis had to kick some zombie ass. We rounded up the artillery, grabbed the Deadly Viper Assassins, and stepped into the dry, dusty, barren world.”OMG, they’ve eaten everyone… everyone but US.”

“FTS! lock and load, bitches!”

And we killed them ALL. Video to come on YouTube soon.