Four words: Vern Troyer sex tape. MINI-ME having sex.. with a woman?! It’s just one of those things you don’t want to watch but kind of have to because it’s creepily fascinating. How does that even work? I don’t know, just watch it for yourself BUT BE WARNED or maybe just open one eye. ICK!

Remember when he pissed himself in his motorized scooter on Surreal Life? Things aren’t looking up for him, ha.

R. Kelly’s sex tape trial is now focusing on his lower back mole, of all things. Images of Kelly’s back mole linked him to a sex tape at the middle of his child pornography trial. Kelly’s attorneys argued that the man in the graphic tape did not have a mole, so it could not have been Kelly.
Video forensics expert froze frames of the sex tape and there was a dark spot on the man’s back and it was in the exact same position as Kelly’s. Uh oh..

His defense attorney argued that the spot faded in and out and could be a technical imperfection on the tape. Kelly, 41, is charged with child pornography. This is because he allegedly videotaped himself with a girl as young as 13. Kelly is pleading not guilty and faces up to 15 years in prison if convicted.

And this popped up when I googled Kelly & I’m finding it prettttty creepy:

One day, back in the 1950’s, Marilyn Monroe performed fellatio on an unidentifiable man… and captured the full 15 minutes on 16 mm film!!

The footage, which shows Marilyn Monroe on her knees pleasuring a man who’s face is never shown, was discovered 10 years later by Keya Morgan, who was doing research for a documentary. J. Edgar Hoover found out about it and tried to pin it on John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy. He was un-suck-cessful (ba da bum).

The FBI confiscated the original footage - but not before an informant made a copy of it, which is what was just sold by his son, Morgan said.

“She’s smiling, she’s very charming, she’s very radiant, but she’s known for being radiant,” he said. “She moves away, and then it [the footage] stops.”

Monroe never directly looks into the camera, but she had to have known it was there as cameras in the 1950’s were noisy and bulky.

Joe DiMaggio was said to have offered $25,000 (according to declassified information), but today the film sold for $1.5 million to a wealthy New Yorker. Fortunately for Monroe, he has decided not to share it with anyone else.

“He said he’s just going to lock it up,” Morgan said.

“He said, ‘I’m not going to make a Paris Hilton out of her. I’m not going to sell it, out of respect.’

There are still good people in the world.

An update from the interwebs; it appears that more pictures and a video are posted.  From the general consensus, its looking like its actually Kristen Davis.

The pics are nsfw, and to be honest, pretty dirty.  For some reason the computer isn’t letting me check the video out, which is odd because I watch entirely too much porn without it ever acting up on me.  Let us know what you think.

Kristen Davis - everyone’s favorite prissy stress case from Sex and the City looks like she might have made an actual sex tape. Is it her? Well - it sure as hell looks like her here in this photo.

Granted it might be a doppelgänger but I really don’t think so. Charlotte York would be freaked. Her publicist also added “This is not a photo of Kristin Davis. There is no sex tape.” Isn’t that what all publicists say at first? If you have a link - post it in the comments, I think further review is necessary.

For just $29.95!!111. Or, if you’re not a complete dumbfuck you can just watch the teaser clips over at Valleywag and see for yourself Gene Simmons fucks like your dad, only less cool. I mean, the broad involved in this sex tape (who by the way is definitely not Gene Simmons’ wife Shannon Tweed) is probably a little bit hotter than your mom, but her fake tits and obvious physical revulsion at Simmons’ seasoned physique makes this video about the hardest thing to fap to since that video of the dogs being skinned alive I posted awhile back. Anyways, moving on…