The reason some people consider the Internet to be SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS, is when you really start analyzing the the viral nature of memetics, and factor in the algorithms and indexing that goes into the rankings of results on search engines, which in turn direct the worldwide flow of internet traffic, you can really start to see how tiniest of things can really make the difference between WIN and FAIL on the internets, especially when you’re trying to get some money out of the deal for yourself.

As an example, take a somewhat dated post I penned regarding Russia’s claiming of land in the Arctic Circle. Though the story itself is something of a snoozer, and is reported on in a far more in depth and insightful way on any number of other sites, the humorous nature of the post has garnered it OVER 9000 comments and is making it the official winnar of our blog site over the last month or two. As the first comments started streaming in, months after the post itself, I was wondering if some anti-Russia site somewhere in Europe had linked to it or some such thing, as most of the comments seemed to be from people with a somewhat tenuous grasp on the English language. However, I soon discovered that the immense popularity of this post stemmed from nothing more than the nature of the posts title “Fuck Russia in the Face.” Although it may sound severe, its actually a play on the name of a band I saw play a million years ago, Fuck God in the Face. Since then, in a micro-version of the aforementioned viral memetic stew I spoke about earlier, Fuck ____ In the Face has been a utility term for discussing pretty much anything, like Fuck Work in the Face, Fuck Life in the Face, etc, etc, always done in a humorous way. However, the internet knows no humor. And now, when you, the Russian hating Georgian or similarly motivated internet user turn to your Google search and type in “Fuck Russia” what do you get as the #1 result?

So a shitty punk band, a b-list news item and the random happenstance of Google indexing has made my hamfisted, half-baked blog post one of the focal points for anti-Russian on the internet. I always kind of thought Russia was pretty badass, but whatever. It gets traffic, and traffic means $$$$. At least theoretically.

So in case you weren’t aware, this blog is only about the most serious types of business, for other types of business try elsewhere.

If proposals secretly being negotiated by the Canadian, US and European Union governments come to pass, Border Patrol guards will soon be responsible for not just checking for bombs and drugs, but also illegally copied mp3s, movies and other “intellectual property”:

The deal would create an international regulator that could turn border guards and other public security personnel into copyright police. The security officials would be charged with checking laptops, iPods and even cellular phones for content that “infringes” on copyright laws, such as ripped CDs and movies.

The guards would also be responsible for determining what is infringing content and what is not.

The agreement also proposes that any content that may have been copied from a DVD or digital video recorder would be open for scrutiny by officials — even if the content was copied legally.

You’d think with terrorists perpetually waiting in the wings to reign radioactive havoc upon our cities that Border Police would have much more important things to worry about than whether or not your copy of Surrogate’s Love is for the Rich was purchased legitimately or done stoled from Limewire or wherever, but you’re RONG!1 Internet piracy is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS!

Brought to you by: The Internet - Serious Fucking Business.