Last night, after I finished reading Immortal Technique’s blog on the Police State Chronicles, I stumbled upon a very interesting video of Scientology Dissent presented by Anonymous, YouTube user Church0FScientology. While it doesn’t consist of much more than time elapsed footage of the sky and an eloquent attack on the organization of Scientology courtesy of AT&T’s Text-To-Speech demo, it’s definitely worth the two minutes and 3 seconds. I didn’t know Scientology existed until I read about the Norwegian girl that died last month, and that she was only one of many Scientology provoked deaths. Do you have the brainwashed by Scientology blues? Take a gander at these sites.

According to the Norwegian tabloid Verdens Gang, Kaja Bordevich Ballo, daughter of Norwegian Parliament member Olav Gunnar Ballo, reportedly took her own life [English translation] after scoring poorly on a Scientology personality test. There is some skepticism as to the validity of the report. The results of the test were time-stamped just hours before Ballo’s death, but this could merely be an excuse to cover up the real cause of death, given that Kaja comes from a politically motivated family.

As you may have heard, the personality test, also called the Oxford Capacity Analysis (OCA) or American Personality Analysis, is offered free by the Church of Scientology and comprises an integral part of their recruitment efforts. The test however, has been extensively criticized as it almost exclusively yields negative results. Here are some testimonials from people who have taken the test:
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I love stoners. Their humor is so absurd and silly. The latest joke is the new strain of marijuana they’re calling “Tom Cruise Purple.” LOL! You totally see visions of L. Ron Hubbard and laugh your ass off maniacally. And Mr. Cruise? Not amused.

One of Cruise’s friends found it “outrageous” that licensed cannabis clubs in Northern California are selling vials of pot featuring a picture of Cruise laughing hysterically. One weed devotee said, “I heard it’s the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate.”

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VIGILANTISM. What a divisive concept. On the surface it seems like a just and righteous cause - righting wrongs where the powers that be do nothing. But it’s also a scary concept. That gang of torch-wielding villagers is powerful in their chaos, and once feeding into their own frenzy they cannot be stopped. Sure he looked scary and gross on the outside, but did Frankenstein’s monster really have it coming?

Regardless of whether you believe Scientology is a CULT or a legitimate RELIGION, whether it should be left alone to its own devices or kicked on its shellback, belly up for the feasting, is good for debate. However, while I personally believe that the Church of Scientology is a scam (…if anyone tells you they have THE ANSWER they are JUST TRYING TO SELL YOU SOMETHING, you silly-ass MARK. And the same can be said of organized Christianity, but that’s a debate for another day…) and the original concept of Anonymous’ war on CoS has merit, Anonymous’ attack on the Church of Scientology is, sadly, doomed to fail. The Church will not be brought down, its members will not be enlightened to the hierarchal brain-washing and its more nefarious designs, and a Utopian future where the everyman has power over the corporate superstructure will not come to be. Sorry brah.

This is what I believe will happen before Anonymous topples the Church of Scientology.

I call it the Schrodinger’s lolCat complex: No one likes a Clever Dick. This is especially true for an elite group of Clever Dicks that think they are more clever than every other Dick. Once an original idea enters the mainstream of popular internet culture, the group who originated it (such as those who frequent sites like 4chan) is quick to abandon their memes, in-jokes and conquests for lulz.
For instance, the fact that I used the term “lulz” means it’s already on the way out, soon to be replaced with a new portmanteau or new term altogether. Or another good example: lolcats. According to ED, the original creators coined the term Caturday, which took off in the Clever Dick society, eventually filtering down to the pop culture as lolcats. Now that your 44-year-old aunt in Wisconsin has seen and chortled at a lolcat, it’s fair to say the joke is over. The originators are over it, and a bit bitter about it too.
I imagine this same scenario playing out with Anonymous’ war on Scientology. It’s a funny, great and arguably just idea; one that will (and already has) spread into the pop culture with mercurial speed. And while its main proponents are still the revolutionary-minded counter-terrorist vigilante types, as the message spreads and more and more people get involved, the message and spirit will get diluted until the Anonymous originators see a diminishing return of lulz and tire of the war. At which point, drained of creativity, the war will grow to stalemate and sooner than later, the phenomenon will dissipate, relegated to the tomes of memes that are “so 1,000 years ago.” Once you put Schrodinger’s cat in that steel box it’s already as good as dead. By examining something you fundamentally change it, and although a cat is fine too, nobody even gives two shits about Schrodinger’s lolCat anymore.

On to the next silly internet thing. Here’s to progress. Thanks for the corruptions, Anonymous.

The Church of Scientology has caused many a media stir over the past few years. This is in full due to certain high profile members making public their beliefs. The “Church” itself has in fact existed since the early 1950’s, pushed along by founding kook L. Ron Hubbard. This small minority of religious belief made but a peep (with exception to the failure of Hubbard’s “E-meter” which was found to have no medical value in 1971) till the likes of Tom Cruise began boasting their faith. In wake of the storm kicked up by Cruises’ recent YouTube testimonial, an internet based group referring to themselves simply as “Anonymous” has declared war on Scientology. In the past week Anonymous has even managed to crash the Church’s website, and vows to take further action.

My question is this: who gives a damn about Scientology? A quick perusing of the Church’s official website makes one simple truth very clear; Scientology is a cult. In reality, the words “religion” and “cult” have eerily similar definitions, but “cult” is typically applied to groups smaller in number and further from mainstream religious thought. Double standard as that may be, I will happily make light of the fact that Scientology is nothing more than a simplistic oddity. Their values read like an Idiot’s Guide To Self-Help and harp upon ambiguous universalities. The maxims and aphorismatic nonsense spouted by Scientologists is worth little heed, especially in the case of Tom Cruise. This is not a dangerous sect; it is a fringe set of beliefs with little to no place in today’s world. Scientology will never amount to anything more than an Entertainment Tonight bulletin, and perhaps therein lies the problem. Because these beliefs are so unimportant and harmless, and because “religious” zealots like Tom Cruise are deep within the public eye, Scientology makes for good clean headline bashing. No real harm or danger will result from their repeated trouncing.

So hey, Anonymous, while your efforts are duly noted, maybe just leave this group be. Maybe find a real enemy to attack. Scientology means little in the scope of society’s problems. It’s just another media fad.

UPDATE: For more information on Anonymous LURK MOAR

UPDATE: As I should have stated earlier: although I may strongly disagree with a Scientologist’s take on life and death, they still have a right to express their beliefs like anyone else.