Warning: Don’t do drugs. It’s that simple.

People are idiots.  That’s just how it is.  People rush into life altering stuff without the slightest clue how deep the rabbit hole goes… that’s why I’ve decided to start up Synthesis Drug of the Week. Hopefully I can shed some light on mind warping substances before yall jump in the waters without testing how deep it is.

Salvia Divinorum is a plant native to places like Mexico. The Mazatec Indians used it primarily as a diuretic, but also ingested it in larger quantities to facilitate shamanistic visions. Lets fast forward a few hundred years.

In modern day America, the extract of the plant is available like fucking packs of cigarettes. Over 18? Yea, here you go. When I say extracts, I’m talking bout the refinement of the plant into a fucking wallop of a drug. Remember the plant the Indian’s were using to create visions? Think of that, but 52x the potency. But no one really wants to eat that shit, it probably tastes bad, right? Lucky for teenager’s everywhere it’s been translated into America’s favorite form of consumption: smoking!

What does this shit do to you? Well, according to drug sites, a small list would be a shift in mind perspective, loss of time, hallucinations, loss of reality, loss of motor skills, auditory hallucinations, etc. From personal experience, you basically get thrown on a 10 minute long roller coaster ride through your mind. Is that good or bad… I dunnow, I guess you’ll have to be the judge of that. I’ve only done it a limited number of times, almost all of which were a few years ago, but the first time I laid back in the grass as the sky proceeded to turn into ‘It’s A Small World’ from Disneyland, but without the infectious waters and the $9 hot dogs.

Why isn’t this shit illegal? Well… hmm… fuck, i have no idea, but rest assured it will be in the upcoming years thanks to stupid frat bros posting YouTube videos of them and the rest of Delta Gamma Fuckoffs ‘GETTING WASTEEEED’ and terrorizing each other.  At least there’s an age restriction on it; if I had found out about it in high school, I probably would have devoted my soul to it.

The moral of the story is don’t go fucking around with drugs you don’t know about… oh, and use a butane lighter. Peace.

[Once again Synthesis Blog brings you the rambling wisdom and sagacious meditations of our Synthesis Weekly columnist, Mad Bob Howard. The reclusive and gun-toting Mad Bob can be reached at madbob@madbob.com]

Dude, STFU!
Reverend Wright and the Death of the Original Day Tripper

Believe me, I desperately want to stop writing about politics as much as you probably want to stop reading about them, but everyday I listen to another outrage or episode on the news and my fingers just take over and start doing their little politics tap-dance on these black plastic keys! I am not in control here! I’m a junkie and I’ve got it bad. I’m shaking and slobbering like a dog, vibrating and contorting; there’s a twitch, a spasm. Damn these fits! There’s only one fix for the political junkie, and right now a fresh new batch of the good strong stuff has hit the streets. So politics it is my fine friends. Bend over and get ready for another five swipes with the paddle — or maybe the switch grass. Corporal punishment is alive and well here in the Immaculate Infection.
Reverend Wright and the National Media Launch Torpedo Attack: A couple of weeks ago I wrote an article in support of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. I stand by what I said; I think the Reverend is accurate when he says our nation was founded on racism and that our foreign policy has very much to do with our current “terrorism” woes. I also denounced the national media for taking his quotes out of context and replaying them on endless loop in order to paint the man as a radical zealot.

Unfortunately, it seems that Reverend Jeremiah Wright has taken a liking to the national media spotlight. Apparently a combination of failure to grasp the way this national media machine works and an ego-driven need for attention have rendered in him an inability to understand a fundamental fact.
Right now, every time Reverend Jeremiah Wright opens his mouth it will only hurt Senator Barack Obama’s chance to get into the White House. The story has already been framed by the national media; all they are looking for now is a handful of seven-second quotes to color their paint by numbers picture. The Revered has obliged willingly — stepped into the oncoming train that is the National Press Club and unleashed another political firestorm for Obama’s camp to try and desperately extinguish.
My sources tell me that Hillary Clinton came as close as she has in decades to having an orgasm while she watched Wright roll his eyes, flippantly dismiss the intrusive media questions, and deliver a Sunday-style sermon to a cynical godless media ready and waiting to pounce on any hyperbole that might be twisted to fit a landscape littered with but thirsting for more blood. On the other side of the aisle, John McCain witnessed the spectacle and politely dismissed himself to the restroom to jack himself off. Rush Limbaugh was so happy he popped a half-dozen oxys and washed them down with a half a pint of whiskey.

[More advice for Rev Wright, and a look back on the person who accidentally discovered LSD after the jump.]
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