by Matt Loomis

Editor’s Review:

This is it, my friends: record of the year. On their third release, Torche have officially done the impossible, bridging the worlds of pop melodies and doom/sludge together into one monolithic record that will have rock critics standing in line at Costco for extra boxes of Depends. The first song, “Across The Shields,” boasts enough hook mastery to make Dave Grohl rethink his chosen career path; leading into the heavy, heavy, heavy “Amnesian” that sounds like the song Kyuss only wished they would’ve written. Then, just when you’re on hook overload, here comes the title track, which lurches along at the pace of a funeral procession. And that’s only within the first 20 minutes…

Going into the first (new) Batman movie, I wasn’t too excited.  I figured that they were going to murder a classic film like so many others had done before (see Superman).  From the moment it started, it had me on the edge of my seat, and to this day remains one of my favorite action movies.

With the surrounding buzz around The Dark Knight, it’s hard not to try to pass judgement… I mean they have to live up to a great first film, the classic series and the fact it was Heath Ledger’s last role.  Well, somehow Dominoes Pizza has an exclusive trailer thats circulating around the web, and with it comes new footage.  I’ll let you be the judge of it, but for what it’s worth I’m dragging my girlfriend to it on opening day.

The early reviews of The Dark Knight are trickling in, and word is that Heath Ledger’s final performance is one to remember him by. Los Angeles-area critics got an early press screening Thursday night (luckies), and the best-supporting-actor campaign has already begun.

David Germain of The Associated Press writes: “With his final full film role, Ledger delivers what may be remembered as the finest performance of his career. … At times sounding like a cross between tough guy James Cagney in a gangster flick and Philip Seymour Hoffman’s fastidious Truman Capote, Ledger elevates Batman’s No. 1 nemesis to a place even Jack Nicholson did not take him in 1989’s Batman.” The Dark Knight comes out July 18.

Here’s a complete review of the new Coldplay release from the Sun in the UK

An album by some band I had never heard of landed on my desk yesterday.

I nearly lobbed it in the drawer of unheard music next to SCOUTING FOR GIRLS’ last release.

But the innocuous sleeve with an obscure codename was in fact holding the biggest album of the year — possibly the decade.

I can bring you the first full review of the new COLDPLAY CD, out on June 12.

And I think epic is the word. The full title — Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends — should have been a clue.
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[The following column, printed in the Monday, May 5th edition of Synthesis Weekly, is an installment from our literature columnist, Emilie Clark.]

Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me
Edited by Ben Karlin
Grand Central Publishing

In an interesting turn on the book cover theme: Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me, an anthology of essays penned exclusively by men, has a very blue cover. I think it is cornflower blue, but not being an interior design major, I might be wrong about that. Anyway, it seems that sometimes men also get stereotyped and gendered through the use of infantilizing color schemes. But I will say that this blue is a much nicer color than the pink of last week, and I was not embarrassed at all to be seen reading this book. My manly boyfriend says the color wouldn’t embarrass him either. So there you have it.
The premise of this book is pretty obvious. A number of famous and semi-famous male authors and comedians tackle some break-ups and the lessons learned from them. Andy Richter talks about how hard it was for a teenager of his girth to find a girlfriend; Stephen Colbert writes about an old girlfriend, but lets his wife redact the naughty bits; and Neal Pollack tells an especially hilarious cautionary tale about midnight emissions and pets.
Most of the stories are pretty funny, some of the laugh out loud variety, and some of them even have a bit of heart. But I was surprisingly underwhelmed. As I read the list of contributors, my anticipation grew strong, but a lot of the big names seem to have just phoned it in. Standouts include “A Dog is No Reason to Say Together” by Damian Kulash Jr., singer of OK Go, who tells an intriguingly honest story about a relationship that could have been mine or anyone else I know. It’s about that kind of pre-marriage long-term relationship where the terms and contracts are really hard to define and you’re not sure how or when it should end. Another standout is Barbara Karlin’s forward, “I Think My Son is a Catch.” I’m sure you can guess what it’s about.
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Once upon a time (actually, 2001) when Synthesis.net was first standing to make a name for itself in the internet game, one of our correspondents, the lovely Laney Erokan wrote a review of a Dave Matthews show in Las Vegas that featured some hippie band named Widespread Panic as openers. She wasn’t exactly feeling Widespread Panic, writing in her review:

if I could think of any word worse than “suck” to describe a band I would use it. Macy Gray also opened and for some reason she played before Widespread Panic (bad decision), so we missed Macy instead of missing Widespread Panic and had to sit through an hour of shite…long, drawn-out jams, barely any vox and just plain boring music. The only thing that kept us entertained through the hour of crap was the hippies on ecstasy

Big deal, right? I mean, so what if someone writing for some shitty website doesn’t like a band, especially one that already has a solid enough fan base. You would think it wouldn’t be a big deal, but no, all of a sudden cyber hippies were coming out of the woodwork, e-mailing us all sorts of vulgar comments and even threats of violence. Peace and love apparently go out the window when Widespread Panic is involved.

I bring this up as a warning to budding music journalists out there, as the band is set to embark upon a summer tour, including a stop at this year’s Bonnaroo Music Festival. DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT WIDEPSREAD PANIC! You might find your prize race horse’s head laying next to you in your bed the next morning…

Dates after the jump

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The highly touted boys from Brighton are back with their sophomore release, Konk, that hit stores earlier this week, but some are questioning whether the pre-release hype matches the merit. The Kook’s debut release Inside In/Inside Out was exceedingly well received, but reviews for Konk have been mixed. Betty Clarke of The Guardian gave the record 4 out 5 stars saying, “The woolliness of their debut has been replaced with a determined pop sound that dips into hard-edged rock,” but New Music Express was less than optimistic, and rather disappointed:

“What’s clear is that they’ve lost the songwriterly knack they originally wielded with abandon and replaced it with clichés and a foggy palimpsest of what they once had. We recommend they search high and low for that spark of brightness in time for album three.” NME.com

I haven’t picked up the record yet, but if the single is any indication it looks like I’m in store for a watered down version of Inside In/Inside Out. To be honest, when I first heard “Always Where I Need To Be” I thought I was still listening to The Kooks first album. Check out thise video below and decide for yourself.

The Kooks- “Always Where I Need To Be”