Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

Green Bay Packer Brett Favre is considering coming out of “retirement.” Apparently, he’s got the “itch” to play, and he’s talked to coach McCarthy about showing up at training camp.

Utterly ridiculous. First off, you don’t get to come out of retirement if you never actually missed playing time. Yeah, Favre had a retirement press conference, but there haven’t been any games to miss. He wouldn’t be returning, because he never really left in the first place.

Secondly, what the hell are the Packers thinking to have him back? It’s time to move on. Go with Aaron Rodgers. If he sucks, give Favre a call. But this is a giant distraction just waiting to happen. Frankly, I feel bad for Rodgers either way. He’s got to have a shot sometime, right? Fuck. Just when you think a guy might actually ride off into the sunset with a teary-eyed goodbye, he’s got to go and grandstand.

Jeremy Roenick will not be hanging up his skates quite yet. The San Jose Sharks veteran forward signed a one year contract for the 2008-09 season worth about $1 million. Even Roenick had speculated at a point that this past year might be his last, but it seems the old dog still has fight in him. Roenick only scored 14 goals this past season, but 10 of them were game winners, marking him second in the NHL statistically. The coming year will be his 20th in the league. Roenick has never won a Stanley Cup.

The 14 year-old kid in me just dropped a load. The Stone Temple Pilots have announced a 65 city tour beginning May 17th in Columbus, OH. Now that Weiland has kicked Velvet Revolver to the gutter (where they have always belonged), count on STP tearing the house down at a city near you.