Dolly Parton is apparently not too thrilled about being the subject of one of Howard Stern’s trademark audio book remixes:

Country legend Dolly Parton isn’t flattered by a recent Howard Stern parody, in which the satellite radio host mashed up Parton quotes to make it sound as if the singer were spewing offensive and racist remarks. In a post on her official website, Parton is quoted as saying she has “never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated” in her life, and even hints and at potentially suing the shock jock.

Check out the clip in question below. I think it’s funnier than shit, but I’m also a fucking asshole.

A Georgia restaurant owner has come under heat after selling T-shirts depicting a picture of Curious George eating a banana with “Obama in ‘08″ written underneath. The proprietor, Mike Norman, claimed ignorance to the racist connotations, claiming his motive was simply that Obama and the cartoon character “look so much alike.” Curious George publisher Houghton Mifflin has denounced the characterization, and a dozen Cobb County, GA residents protested outside Norman’s restaurant.

Southeast regional director for the Anti-Defamation League Bill Nigut had this to say of Norman: “He can pretend he doesn’t understand what the message of that T-shirt is, but he knows full well that’s an offensive and demeaning stereotype used to insult African-Americans.”

“Look so much alike”? Yeah buddy, nice try. Either you’re openly racist, or a complete and utter dumbshit. But I guess if you’re the former, you also qualify as the latter…

White Men Can’t Jump, but a recent report shows Black Kids Can’t Swim:

Nearly 60 percent of African-American children can’t swim, almost twice the figure for white children, according to a first-of-its-kind survey. Stark statistics underlie the initiative by the national governing body for swimming. Black children drown at a rate almost three times the overall rate. And less than 2 percent of USA Swimming’s nearly 252,000 members who swim competitively year-round are black.

Of course, like many of the societal ills facing the African American community, not being able to swim has its roots in America’s racist past:

The minority swimming gap has deep roots in America’s racial history. For decades during the 20th century, many pools were segregated, and relatively few were built to serve black communities.

John Cruzat, USA Swimming’s diversity specialist, said these inequalities were compounded by a widespread misperception—fueled by flawed academic studies—that blacks’ swimming ability was compromised by an innate deficit of buoyancy.

“There are people who still give credence to these stereotypes, even in the black and Hispanic community,” said Cruzat, who wants to break the cycle that passes negative attitudes about swimming from one black generation to another.

Though this post is under my name, I did not write it. I wish I had. This is written by Synthesis Weekly Contributer Bob Howard, to be published on Monday. I think your ear (or eyes) deserve to be bent for a second.
– S

Winter Soldier
By Bob Howard

War on Truth: In totalitarian countries, what people can say is controlled by the government. Here we have the flag-waving nationalistic “patriotic” mob and a complacent media casually conspiring to censor unpopular speech.

I am frustrated by the backlash levied against Senator Barack Obama’s pastor Reverend Jeremiah Wright for speaking truth. America is a country that was founded on racism. We came to this country, slaughtered and imprisoned the native population, then kidnapped people from Africa in order to do the dirty work. In this manner we accumulated more wealth and power than any nation in the world. It’s ugly but it is truth. We are still practicing imperialism under the code name “globalism.” We still pay dark-skinned people pennies per day to do the work Americans refuse.
Reverend Wright says we bought the events of 911 on ourselves. There is accuracy in that statement. Our foreign policy has serious flaws. Things are being done in our names of which we have only vague awareness. This is the crux of democracy. Unlike a monarchy or a dictatorship, America is meant to work as a “bottom-up” system of representation. We can’t shrug off the decisions of our leaders and claim we have nothing to do with them. We are the ones who put those people into a position of power and gave them the authority to represent us. So when our foreign policy is flawed it is valid for people to hold the American population accountable. Like it or not, that’s the responsibility that comes with a democratic system of power. As such our duty does not stop at the voting box. We need to carefully follow the actions of our leaders and take them to task when they act irresponsibly in our names.
I’m not ashamed of America – but there are shameful episodes throughout our history. If we ignore them or deny them we will never be able to reconcile them.

Winter Soldier: A phenomenal conference was recently held called “Winter Soldier.” The first winter soldier took place during the Vietnam War when soldiers came forward to tell of what they did and witnessed while serving. Atrocities were exposed. Now we have a similar coming out with hundreds of veterans of the Iraq War coming forward to describe their experiences. I’ve been following some of the testimony and it is horrifying. The most disturbing thing is the callousness of our military command. As in any war the enemy is framed as sub-human, and similar to Vietnam the drag-net term “enemy” is essentially expanded to include anyone we capture or kill. Soldiers testified of unloading hundreds of rounds into cars on the roads, being given order to take out any and all taxi cabs, and detaining Iraqi men even when they knew they were not the suspects they were looking for. It’s brutal, awful stuff. We can use all the clinical sounding terms we like: “enhanced interrogation,” “non-lawful combatant,” “counter-insurgency.” Terms obscure the bloody truth on the ground — the truth that we have invaded a country, killed hundreds of thousands of its citizens, and driven anyone with means out of the country. The truth is blood and body parts litter the streets and our soldiers are going to come back from this conflict all screwed up in their heads from killing civilians in a half-baked conflict dreamed up by ideologues in Washington DC.
How many times do we have to enter into the same follies before we rise up as a people and say “ENOUGH?” Obviously someone is benefiting from these impossible conflicts but it isn’t you and I. There is an oligarchy in place, a small powerful group of incredibly wealthy people who are cynically using nationalism, religion and racism to pit regular working people against one another. They are using fear to keep us complacent. Fear of war, fear of economic woe, fear of the other, the alien, the end. They keep our heads spinning so fast from one crisis to another that we never have the ability to unify and rise.

The Rising of the Moon: On Saint Patrick’s Day I sat on a barstool and drank Guinness with a woman from Northern Ireland. She talked about growing up in the sights of British guns. The Irish know how it feels to be on the receiving end of imperialism all too well. The Irish rose up.
It won’t happen of its own accord. If change is going to come about in this entrenched system that favors those who set it up, it is going to take activism on the part of the many. It is going to take awareness and a conscious spirit of social revolution.

Here’s to the rebels.

Revolutionary ideas? E-mail me at madbob@madbob.com.

[ed note: I added the pictures to Bob's piece without his consent. I take the Iraqi Rebel flag to mean rebellion against the occupation of Iraq, not in any way as an excuse or encouragement for Iraqi insurgents to harm our American soldiers fighting abroad. Also, the confederate design ties in well with the racism earlier mentioned in the piece. See, I'm kinda deep like that...man. It's a thin red line, I know... Either way, we need to GTFO of Iraq and begin to feed and then lead the world to harmony and unity so that we can unite as one human race and explore the universe in peace together, FOREVER. Special thanks as always to Bill Hicks.]