In a totally <sarcasm>surprising</sarcasm> move Apple honcho Steve Jobs announced the new iPhone today in San Francisco during his keynote speech at the World Wide Developers Conference. Among the other features will be built-in GPS, 3G data network access and, best of all, a lower price: $199 for the 8gb, $299 for the 16gb.

With today’s news that the unemployment rate saw it’s biggest increase in over a decade, while oil hit a new record price of $139 a barrel, its become obvious that those $600 checks aren’t cutting it. America needs a federal program along the lines of Roosevelt’s CCC to get shit really going. But since our leaders are basically all lopdicks, its up to those in the private sector to come up with some innovative ideas this time around. So here’s mine. Replace cars with rickshaws. Gives people jobs, and eliminates the need for gas. Done and done. And I’m not even the first person to think of this idea. Michael Richards may hate black people, but he might go down in history as the visionary behind the Federal Rickshaw Transportation Act of 2009.