Whether getting busted for booze (twice) or fueling pre-marital pregnancy rumors with poor fashion choices, Jenna Bush has always been the headline grabber of President Bush’s two lovely daughters, and last night was no different. As a guest on Larry King Live last night, Jenna came clean and admitted that she will not necessarily vote for John McCain in the fall election, and might instead opt for either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. Whatever with that though, the real news is that apparently those infamous beach photos aren’t actually her…bahh. But hey, its the internet, so we can all just pretend from now on and eventually, everyone will believe its the truth. AH MEMETICS!

Rumors have been circling for a while, but now the truth has been confirmed and fifteen-year-old, emo-core, teenyboppers everywhere will be slitting their wrists today.

As reported on friendsorenemies.com:

“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes - it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, but we wanted you to hear it straight from us.”
- Ashlee and Pete

It’s a little said that cute little Simpson sister is off the market, but to be honest I lost interest after the nose job. As usual there is some speculation that Simpson is preggers, so be on the lookout for that fall out boy baby bump.

Check out the cover of Star Magazine:

That’s right, folks. Britney Spears is presumably preggo again with her paparazzo boyfriend (husband?) Adnan Ghali as the baby’s daddy. (I read that they exchanged marriage vows in Rosarito Beach, Mexico a few weeks ago, but I’m not sure because he’s still technically married to Azlynn Berry.) If this is the case, no one should be surprised. I’m sure Adnan is celebrating with his Cristal thinking, “Man, I just won the lottery.” But I doubt it. America would be terribly disappointed in the judicial system if they gave the baby to Adnan and made Brit pay child support. Right? RIGHT, AMERICA?

Here is your fun fact for the day: In West Virginia, more than a quarter of expectant mothers are ciggarette smokers, a number that is almost three times higher than the national average. But they’ve got good reason not to quit, because, as many claim, smoking while pregnant makes giving birth “easier.” I am sure that this theory is based on sound evidence. There is no way that, perhaps, these women just don’t feel as if they can handle quitting, with all the stress they are already under with their pregnancy, right? Pregnancy does instigate a perfect storm of raging hormones and physical pain, but that doesn’t excuse introducing extremely harmful toxins and poisins into your baby’s developing system. Because, unless you have some serious mental handicap, you should have had the sense to use some sort of protection when you engaged in that blissful act of physical passion, if you didn’t want the responsibility of carrying a life inside you. If said sense, for whatever reason, was not utilized, then you just have to grow the fuck up, I guess, and give up some things you may not really want to. Such is life. Let me digress here for a moment, and add that half the people that procreate shouldn’t, for a variety of reasons. Ever seen the Mike Judge film Idiocracy? That’s where we are headed, people. Dumbasses, like women who smoke while pregnant, breeding what will surely be more dumbasses. In surmation, I have two final words for the pregnant smokers in West Virginia, as well as all others across the globe: FUCK YOU.

Will the world be looking forward to a lip syncing, hoe-down dancing, sugar-we’re-DEFINITELY-going-down bobbit? The world is shocked amid reports that Ashlee Simpson and squeeze Pete Wentz actually tried sex, let alone succeeded in creating the most doomed child since dear little Suri Cruise. It’s been said that they’re keeping things quiet (surprise, surprise) but that Pete pulled the ultimate romantic gesture and and went down, down, in an earlier round on one knee and popped the big question. Poor child.

With a mother following closely in the footsteps of Brittany Spears, in not only blonde ambition but musical skill (or lack thereof), one can only wonder if the rumored tot may someday be sporting the same therapist as Sean Preston, Suri, and J.J. Of course, one also wonders with a government that can follow internet conversations so stealthily, why didn’t they STOP THIS!!??! Please, let’s pray to the saints of sanity that it’s just a rumor and the stars are not once more populating our world with (dare I say it?) the curse of Hollywood.

Still, Star Magazine has a picture of the youngest Simpson rubbing her stomach (indigestion, anyone?) and you know what that means, BABY ON BOARD! Or some bad tacos..

If you actually care enough to read the full (or not so much) story, go here.