Not that it’s a surprise, but R. Kelly was acquitted of all child porn charges today. It took them 6 years to go to trial, and the alleged female victim, who was as young as 13 at the time of the supposed crime, is now 23. As everyone in the world has read, the large mole that Mr. Kelly (who’s music is a fucking joke) has on his back was not visible on the man that appeared on the tape that was shown to the jury, and was the prosecutions only piece of real evidence.

What really scares me is that if it wasn’t R. Kelly peeing on that little girl in the video, then who was it? Some child pee-er on-er has been roaming free for years now, being allowed to urinate on any little girl he wants with no legal recourse!! He probably wised up and stopped video taping that shit once he realized that R. Kelly was about to take the rap for his pissings, but I have a hard time believing he stopped cruising 8th grade dances looking for chicks to use as human urinals.

Wanted: One child pisser that looks exactly like a shitty R & B singer minus a mole on his back.

Seemingly every Friday, Synthesis Weekly publisher Karen asks Daniel Taylor what he’s writing about in his column, “Hot Flashes.” Invariably, the answer will be “scratching my balls” or “fucking” or “ass-piss,” or any number of delightful, insightful subjects. Then Karen will lovingly scold Daniel, he’ll write whatever, people will read it on Monday and all will be well and right in the world. However, a recent study shows that using foul language in the workplace can lead to stress reduction and a boost in camaraderie.

Professor Yehuda Baruch, professor of management at the Norwich-based institution, warned bosses that any moves to prevent workers from swearing could have a negative impact.

“Our study suggested that, in many cases, taboo language serves the needs of people for developing and maintaining solidarity, and as a mechanism to cope with stress. Banning it could backfire.

“Managers need to understand how their staff feel about swearing. The challenge is to master the art of knowing when to turn a blind eye to communication that does not meet with their own standards.”

And that’s from the UK Sun, a true bastion of journalistic integrity. Truth.