Who’da thunk that merely less than a decade ago R. Kelly was mistakenly deemed a pervert, when all along he’s been a goddamn scientific visionary from day one. Emblazoning a path toward a future far beyond the reach of flying cars and ray guns, I think its safe to say Mr. Kelly most definitely has a future with NASA in training astronauts, because from now on they’ll be drinking a shitload of piss.

Apparently when times are tough priorities must be restructured by spending $250 million on a device to recycle waste water because the Arrowhead guy doesn’t make outer space deliveries.

“We can’t be delivering water all the time for six crew,” said space station flight director Ron Spencer. “Recycling is a must.”

NASA expects to process about six gallons (23 litres) of water per day with the new device. The goal is to recover about 92 per cent of the water from the crew’s urine and moisture in the air.

The wastewater is processed using an extensive series of purification techniques, including distillation – which is somewhat tricky in microgravity – filtration, oxidation, and ionization.

The final step is the addition of iodine to control microbial growth, Mr Bagdigian said.

The device is intended to process a full day’s worth of wastewater in less than 24 hours.

“Today’s drinking water was yesterday’s waste,” Mr Bagdigian added.

I bet its got electrolytes, you know, what plants crave.

Then again, at this point I’d rather flee the planet and drink my own piss anyway.

Not that it’s a surprise, but R. Kelly was acquitted of all child porn charges today. It took them 6 years to go to trial, and the alleged female victim, who was as young as 13 at the time of the supposed crime, is now 23. As everyone in the world has read, the large mole that Mr. Kelly (who’s music is a fucking joke) has on his back was not visible on the man that appeared on the tape that was shown to the jury, and was the prosecutions only piece of real evidence.

What really scares me is that if it wasn’t R. Kelly peeing on that little girl in the video, then who was it? Some child pee-er on-er has been roaming free for years now, being allowed to urinate on any little girl he wants with no legal recourse!! He probably wised up and stopped video taping that shit once he realized that R. Kelly was about to take the rap for his pissings, but I have a hard time believing he stopped cruising 8th grade dances looking for chicks to use as human urinals.

Wanted: One child pisser that looks exactly like a shitty R & B singer minus a mole on his back.

Seemingly every Friday, Synthesis Weekly publisher Karen asks Daniel Taylor what he’s writing about in his column, “Hot Flashes.” Invariably, the answer will be “scratching my balls” or “fucking” or “ass-piss,” or any number of delightful, insightful subjects. Then Karen will lovingly scold Daniel, he’ll write whatever, people will read it on Monday and all will be well and right in the world. However, a recent study shows that using foul language in the workplace can lead to stress reduction and a boost in camaraderie.

Professor Yehuda Baruch, professor of management at the Norwich-based institution, warned bosses that any moves to prevent workers from swearing could have a negative impact.

“Our study suggested that, in many cases, taboo language serves the needs of people for developing and maintaining solidarity, and as a mechanism to cope with stress. Banning it could backfire.

“Managers need to understand how their staff feel about swearing. The challenge is to master the art of knowing when to turn a blind eye to communication that does not meet with their own standards.”

And that’s from the UK Sun, a true bastion of journalistic integrity. Truth.