IT’S A CAR CHASE!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

Centennial High School in Portland, OR has decided that kids shaving lines in their eyebrows a la Soulja Boy is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS. Any student caught with thusly groomed eyebrows is being sent home until they shave off their eyebrows completely:

Centennial administrators are telling students with the lines that they can’t return to school until they shave their eyebrows off. Assistant Principal Mark Porterfield said the students are not suspended, but they are not allowed in school until they cooperate.

Andy Gonzalez, a junior at Centennial with one vertical line shaved down his brow, was studying for a test when a security guard approached him and said, “If you’re going to come to school like that, don’t come at all.” Gonzalez, 17, says he isn’t in a gang and shaved the lines to look cool and impress girls. But he says he’d be humiliated if he had to shave his brows off.