Enetertainer/magician/bat-shit-crazy human being David Blaine recently set a new world’s record for holding his breath for an astonishing 17 minutes 4 seconds underwater. The feat occurred on the set of Oprah in Chicago.

“I feel great,” the silver wetsuit-clad American said as he was pulled to the surface. “I actually started to doubt I was going to make it because I’d never done it with such a high heart rate.”

Blaine said he had managed it by staying in a meditative state which was helped by the stage lights reflecting off the sphere.

His assistants said during the event that his heart rate should have dropped far lower than it did.

Two years ago, he failed in an attempt to break the record for holding his breath underwater while simultaneously escaping from heavy chains.

Before the latest attempt inside a sphere filled with 1,800 gallons of water, Blaine spent 23 minutes inhaling pure oxygen, packing his lungs with extra oxygen just before the breathing tubes were removed.

“There’s no enhancement, no cheating,” he told Winfrey, adding that while he makes his living as a magician, his stunts were about pushing the limits of the human body.

This guy scared the shit out of me before, but knowing now that if I were to engage him physically, and choke him, that I’d have to labor for an excruciatingly long 17 minutes at least before he’d be unconscious, makes me wonder if he’s actually a real person. Who’s with me?

Living pretty much right off of I-5, you get to form a pretty close relationship with methamphetamines; either as a user or spectator. Glad to say myself and (most of) my friends fall squarely in the latter category. But it certainly is entertaining to bike by those deep into their herky-jerky meth binges. It’s almost lovable. Almost…

Nothing like beauty tips from meth addicts…here’s how to turn a scum bag into a total piece of shit: Just add meth. Our local version is almost as sweet as the national.

There are plenty of reasons to become a pop star (free drugs, high-profile arrests, your mug plastered in insensitively snide blogs), but one of the foremost is being able to marry a totally hot young wife, then 20 years later, marry another totally hot young wife.

Let’s face it, Billy Joel was a great pop writer in his day, but he hasn’t put out anything memorable since he “retired from pop music” with River of Dreams in 1993…(and between you and I, that album wasn’t all that stellar). But still, he’s Billy Joel. He freaking wrote “The Piano Man.” In 1985 he married Christie Brinkley (former swimsuit model, current MILF). Let’s take a look of what Billy Joel looked like in the mid ’80s.

Okay, a bit pudgy. Plus that leather jacket really makes his natural wimpiness shine through. Alright, now Brinkley?

Yow. 1983 makeup and hairdo aside, that’s a legitimately good looking woman. Looking down the track list of Billy Joels’ Greatest Hits Vol 1, you see what she might have found initially attractive in him.

Brinkley and Joel divorced in 1994. Back in the Feudal age, kings had to chop off some heads and, well, break ties with the Catholic Church to pull off that kind of coup. Nowadays, all you have to do is write “She’s Got A Way” and look something like this:

Yet he’s married to television personality and chef Katie Lee:

Keep in mind he hasn’t released a hit single since 1989 (”We Didn’t Start The Fire” which was way rad and heavy as hell when you were like 11 years old), yet he still gets to marry hot, talented young women (in Katie lee’s case, 32 years his junior) once he divorces formerly young, currently still hot, talented women. The freaking nerve…

They were on Oprah yesterday, and well, here’s the damn stupid clip:

Billy Joel, I am officially jealous.

Valerie Bertinelli is currently drinking Eddie Van Halen’s Milkshake. Bertinelli recently broke her silence regarding the couple’s divorce and admitted that they split because they were both somewhat busy cheating on each other.

The Van Halen / Bertinelli divorce was finalized in December (just in time for Xmas) after 26 years of marriage.
“I cheated — He claims to this day that I cheated first, but I don’t know. I don’t know about the timing.” She’ll be detailing guitar solos, cheating, cocaine usage, hooking up with Steven Spielberg, being super hot back in the day, that other chick from One Day at a Time and Oprah (and her continued quest from world wide domination).

When asked she choose to divulge such personal details at this stage of her life Bertinelli said “I just figured, if they’re going to watch me lose 40 pounds and I’m going to be embarrassed that way, and there’s going to be fat-ass pictures of me with my butt hanging out in Hawaii, I thought, ‘Why not let the inner me out, too?’ Because the inner me is, I hope, prettier than the outer me.”

Did I mention she wrote a book too? I’m sure she’ll be plugging that as well…

Maybe the news of the Oprah appearance is why that show at the John Paul Jones Arena got cancelled… fuck it - might as well Jump:

Senator Barack Obama will be featured on Larry King tomorrow night. He’s been making the rounds on Oprah, the Today Show, Meet the Press, etc…jeez, I wonder when he’s going to finally announce that he’s running for president in 2008? If he wins it will finally make good on all futuristic science fiction movies where the President of The United States of America is handsome young black gentleman.

I think he’s probably too good to be true, but the kids effing love this guy.

Sen. Barak Obama (D-Ill.) will appear on CNN’s Larry King Live, Thursday, Oct. 19, at 9 p.m. (ET). He will discuss his new book, The Audacity of Hope. Oprah Winfrey endorsed him as a candidate for president on Larry King Live on Monday, Sept. 25. He will take viewer phone calls and e-mails.

Larry King Live airs nightly from 9-10 p.m. (ET). For more information on upcoming shows or to locate past transcripts, visit The CNN Larry King site.