I’ve started a personal goal of trying to watch some form of porn during every minute here at the Synthesis. Realistically, it’s not too difficult considering my boss frequently tells me to blog about the most recent celebrity nude shots. But, as many guys realize after countless exposure to weird fetishes over the internetz, sometimes the nip-slips just don’t cut it anymore.

I bring you a new revolution to both watching mad pr0n AND getting your lulz on: sfw-porn.com. This is Microsoft Paint at it’s finest, bringing you quality porn in a comical, safe for work fashion.

I know you’ve been waiting on baited breath for Synthesis to chime in on the latest blog craze: “Is There A Naked Woman Reflected in VP Cheney’s Sun Glasses??? OMG!!!”

I’m no stranger to conspiracy theories (I even subscribe to a few myself), but let’s weigh the likelihood of the naked-lady-in-the-glasses theory in like this. Here’s what would need to happen:

1. Dick Cheney, hanging with a naked woman.
2. The hired photographer taking an official photograph of Cheney with a Naked Woman just hanging out by the side.
3. Secret security just hanging out, letting it happen.

Savor those ideas. Roll them around the tongue. Can’t help but spit that out, eh?

Here’s a thought: DICK CHENEY IS NOT HEF. Let’s review.

Hugh Hefner:

Vice President Dick Cheney:

Do we need to go over that again? Good.

Now, if Cheney was as good at marketing as he is at being an evil bastard, he would be marketing his own brand of Cheney Stunna Shades.

“Wanna have naked women reflected in your shades ALL THE TIME? Try a pair of Cheney Nunna Nunna Nunnas. Now in gold fleck!”

I’m not gonna tell the blogosphere to get their mind out of the gutter (far from it), but just think about this for a second, alright? Now listen to Chico’s The Hooliganz and get your slump on. And vote Obama. End of story.

Admittedly, when I first saw the words “Speedo LZR,” I thought it was an abbreviation for “speedo loser.” As it turns out, in the world of competitive swimming, this space-aged suit is the polar opposite. (And yes, I just used the term “space age” without a hint of irony. Boner).

According to the Science of Sport blog, on its first professional outing, the swimmer with the Speedo LZR broke the world record…by two entire body lengths. Then the Women’s Dutch 4 x 200m relay team, equipped with the Speedo LZR, beat the world record (set 6 years back by China) by 8 seconds. I don’t know jack about professional competitive swimming, but even I know that’s kind of a big deal.

This brings to mind the whole juicing in sports argument: these people train every day for their profession; to be the best athlete, using all the technology available to get every ounce of power…so why not use drugs to further this concept? The problem is that unless everyone is doing the same drugs and has access to the same equipment and training, the competition would be unfair. Plus, you can’t make athletes who are ethically opposed to juicing use the stuff. We’re not living in a Brave new World just yet.

So in the case of the Speedo LZR, it might give the athlete an unfair technological advantage….unless every athlete was using them.

But on the other side of the coin, maybe to make it REALLY fair, they all should just swim naked, original Roman-Greko Olympics style. That would sure make the Women’s backstroke more interesting for me.

So the chick from High School Musical, Vanessa Hudgens, totally blew it and let some dude take naked pictures of her, which eventually got onto the internet. Sorry about her luck. Since I like to keep shit SFW, the noood is after the jump. It’s not very impressive. Just some teen girl with decent tits who’s too lazy to clean up in the yard if you know what I mean. But she’s famous though, so maybe some dudes will want to fap to it or whatever. Plus that dude Zac Efron is banging up on her and he’s like SUPER famous. FAME (more…)