Oh, awesome: Last week I read about little Moshe Cavalin, the 10-year-old who’s a sophomore in college already… This week I read about a one-year-old dog puppy earning a BACHELOR DEGREE from Ohio Northern University?! RUFKM?

Ada, Ohio (AP) - A well-trained golden retriever will receive a bachelor’s degree from Ohio Northern University today along with the rest of the graduating class.

Zeeke, a 1-year-old dog, will earn his bachelor’s of science degree in canine companionship. The canine has spent thousands of hours training as a Canine Companion dog as part of a senior’s honors project.

ONU President Kendall Baker said he believes this is the first time the university has ever awarded a diploma to an animal.

Zeeke has learned to pull a wheelchair, open doors and retrieve fallen objects. [According to ONU's website, he can also jump through hoola hoops, shake hands, bow, and do "puppy" push-ups. OMG!]

Canine Companions for Independence places service dogs with people in need for free.

What, are we just passing diplomas out like candy now? Is there special dog tuition? A normal dog training school wasn’t good enough for Zeeke? Call me insensitive, but I am kind of insulted. Sorry, Zeeke, I’m sure you’re a good boy. I just have issues with dogs getting degrees. You’re s’posed to be the one that ate my homework, remember?

Looks ruff.

If you’re a college student, right about now you’re probably in the throws of some epic study seshes for your upcoming finals. So is Moshe Cavalin, a second year student at East Los Angeles College, working hard to maintain his A+ average. He also happens to be 10 fucking years old:

“I’m studying statistics,” says the alternately precocious and shy Cavalin, his textbook lying open on the living room desk of his parents’ apartment in this quiet suburb east of Los Angeles.

Within a year, if he keeps up his grades and completes the rest of his requirements, he hopes to transfer from his two-year program at East Los Angeles College to a prestigious four-year school and study astrophysics.

Kinda makes you want to give up and just get a job sweeping floors somewhere, huh? Actually it makes me want to have a bunch of kids in the hopes that one of them turns out like Moshe and eventually figures out the meaning of life. Mine will probably just be a bunch of fucking jerks though.