“We fucked up in Ohio. In Ohio they are obsessed and Hillary is going to town on it, because she knows Ohio’s the only place they can win. She’s a monster too - that’s off the record - she is stooping to anything.” –Obama aide Samantha Power

An unfortunate remark from a woman promoting her book to the Scotsman. Ms. Power has since resigned and the comment stands as a black eye amidst a rough week for the Obama campaign. But let’s get down to brass tax: Is Hillary Clinton really a monster? I think not.

I have it on good authority that Hillary Clinton is closely related to the cyborg, specifically Cyberdyne Systems Model 101. And really, the writing is on the wall; manic facial expressions, bulldog front, pitiless emotions and a lust to kill. Combine these traits with her seemingly indestructible nature, and you’ve got yourself a T-800 series Terminator. This of course should come as no surprise, as a T-800 is already the governor of California.

None of this, though, is good news for the Obama camp. It’s not easy fighting off any cyborg, let alone one with a hankering for politics.

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT

Our team of 1337 haxxors has done the impossible. We have uncovered the true identity of the mysterious monster ravaging New York City in the forthcoming film Cloverfield. Peep the video.