The real question is, how low can it go? If you’re looking for a safe place to put your money, might I offer a suggestion?

About this much:

The full plan is here, Go Here to sign.

1. APPOINT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR TO CRIMINALLY INDICT ANYONE ON WALL STREET WHO KNOWINGLY CONTRIBUTED TO THIS COLLAPSE.

2. THE RICH MUST PAY FOR THEIR OWN BAILOUT.

3. BAIL OUT THE PEOPLE LOSING THEIR HOMES, NOT THE PEOPLE WHO WILL BUILD AN EIGHTH HOME.

4. IF YOUR BANK OR COMPANY GETS ANY OF OUR MONEY IN A “BAILOUT,” THEN WE OWN YOU.

5. ALL REGULATIONS MUST BE RESTORED. THE REAGAN REVOLUTION IS DEAD.

6. IF IT’S TOO BIG TO FAIL, THEN THAT MEANS IT’S TOO BIG TO EXIST.

7. NO EXECUTIVE SHOULD BE PAID MORE THAN 40 TIMES THEIR AVERAGE EMPLOYEE, AND NO EXECUTIVE SHOULD RECEIVE ANY KIND OF “PARACHUTE” OTHER THAN THE VERY GENEROUS SALARY HE OR SHE MADE WHILE WORKING FOR THE COMPANY.

8. STRENGTHEN THE FDIC AND MAKE IT A MODEL FOR PROTECTING NOT ONLY PEOPLE’S SAVINGS, BUT ALSO THEIR PENSIONS AND THEIR HOMES.

9. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH, CALM DOWN, AND NOT LET FEAR RULE THE DAY.

10. CREATE A NATIONAL BANK, A “PEOPLE’S BANK.”

This weekend I got a chance to join Los Angeles-based comedy group/saviors of rock Fortress of Attitude for a few shows. They were down a bassist and I was glad to fill in. I even had a snazzy gay sailor outfit to match their particular stage-dress idiom.

On Friday we made our way to Oakland, CA, and ended up performing in a warehouse art space called the Ghost House. We performed with several Oakland bands (Kool Teen, Pinched Nerve and Anderson Congress) in the space the house uses to create children’s videos.

The series is called Showbeast, and it’s the kind of kids show you’d probably think twice about showing your kids. Enjoy.

The brain hat is what we used to collect the money. FYI, people like to give you money when you use a brain hat.

Starbucks has plans to close around 600 stores that don’t perform to their standards. This will eliminate 12,000 full and part time employees. The store closures will happen at the end of the first half of the fiscal year; aka September 2009. Severence costs could be up to $348 million. Only 200 new U.S. stores are set to open in 2009. Better start digging out your best local coffee shops or switch to Peet’s. It might be nice not to see that green Starbucks symbol every block. Kick the expensive habit or get angry?

Madonna has an estimated fortune of 600 million so she’s looking for the best divorce lawyer on earth. She recently contacted Fiona Shackleton, used by Sir Paul McCartney in his case against that bitch Heather Mills. The 49-year-old pop star and international icon is getting legal advice about divorcing Guy Ritchie, her husband of seven years. She has been sighted without her wedding ring as well. Guess the tabloid rumors were true after all.

Shackleton is supposed to be the best celebrity lawyer one can find and after the McCartney trial she was so successful, Heather Mills got pissed and poured a jug of water over her head.

There is said to be no pre-nuptial agreement so the starting point would be to split everything 50-50. Ritchie is movin’ on up!