So this mom walks into Urban Outfitters to get her teenage son some clothes. She starts rifling through the titles of books they have for sale. I’ve seen ‘em… lots of Sex in the City, some sexual positions book, there’s one called Porn For Women that my mom actually bought me: it’s a picture book of hot men doing housework. (HELL YES!) Anyways, this mom is PISSED OFF that U.O. would sell such smut. Why? Why is she so uptight? Why can’t she see that it’s marketing clearly targeted to college kids and that she should just ignore the book section and move on with life? Perhaps because her name is Marci Milfs. No joke.

You can’t make this shit up…

Milfs was so appalled that she is preparing to file a complaint with the city of Lynnwood, and has already aired her frustrations to State Rep. Norma Smith, R-Clinton, and organizations including Morality in Media, Concerned Women of America and the American Family Association.

She also called Urban Outfitters’ corporate office in Philadelphia.

“They said they are not sex books or pornography books, but that they are art books and their goals are to support artists,” Milfs said.

Urban Outfitters declined to comment on Milfs’ concerns.

Poor thing… Just out on the prowl for some young specimen, and the police have to corner her in an alley. And shoot her.

From AP:

Chicago police say an officer has killed a 150-pound cougar in a residential area on the city’s North Side.

Police say several residents reporting seeing the cat early Monday and the officer shot the animal in an alley.

I imagine the cougar’s sighting was a direct result of habitat loss.

For a good guide on how to recognize and make safe contact with a cougar, please consult the Bachelor Guy Guide to Milfs and Cougars:

Habitat: When not at work selling real estate or styling hair, they can often be found in clubs with names like “City Lights” and “Hot Chocolate”, listening to the sounds of Gloria Gaynor and the Pointer Sisters.

I do have some qualms with AP’s article, though:

Authorities say the cougar will be checked for any markings, chips or tags that would show if it was someone’s pet rather than a wild animal.

From The Bachelor Guy:

Wearing a few battle scars from past tussles, the cougar is all about excess. Look for lots of makeup to hide the wrinkles from years of lingering cigarette smoke and tanning bed sessions. Big hair - typically dyed either Platinum Blonde, Roof Tar Black, or Safety Cone Orange, to hide the advancing gray - and overly long, overly manicured nails, used for attracting and capturing her prey. She may also sport a new lower back tattoo (aka, the tramp stamp), or an old boob tattoo, procured in an attempt to convey her carefree sexuality and wild side.

Remember, a cougar is never your pet. You are most likely hers.

AP:

Confirmed sightings of cougars, also known as mountain lions or pumas, are rare in Illinois but authorities in the Chicago suburb of Wilmette say they received several reports of cougar sightings during the weekend.

Mountain lions are a whole other story - avoid them at all costs and DO NOT let them buy you a drink. Pumas, however, can make for a fun evening.