The thing about voting, is that it ranks on my priority list somewhere between looking for worms in my cat’s ass and staring at the wall. Its not like I don’t appreciate the opportunity to be a part of the democratic process. Actually, I kind of don’t. Voting is like joining the Army. You don’t have to because some one else who cares way more about it always will. And besides, what do I know about anything anyway? For example, Proposition 92 on this year’s ballot “establishes independent community college districts and Board of Governors. Requires minimum funding for schools and community colleges to be calculated separately and blah, blah, blah.” What the fuck do I know about funding for schools and community colleges? Don’t we pay people to know about this kind of shit already? And I actually graduated from college, unlike the majority of dumbfucks who will probably actually vote one way or another on this proposition. Why would I waste my time making a studied, factual based decision on something like this, when I know that the votes of 34,534,459 ignorant pieces of shit are going to count just as much as mine? People who vote are like the people who write letters to the newspaper. If they knew shit about anything they’d either be writing for the newspaper already, or too busy actually doing something worthwhile to bother pissing in the wind by penning a letter destined to be read only by all the other bored people on the outside looking in on the world of influence. Voting is like trying to go to Sears and pick out some really cool clothes: you know, and I know, that they don’t sell that shit at Sears. Anyone I’d actually wanna vote for wouldn’t be allowed within 50 feet of a ballot, even in California. And propositions? Wigga please. Voting yes or no on a proposition in like voting yes or no on whether the sun is gonna come up tomorrow. You think that some shit that enough people with enough money want bad enough is gonna be derailed by a bunch of powerless middle class folks using the Power of the Vote? Hell no. I guess its pretty cliche, to be the apathetic middle-class white male twenty-something. Maybe if I was a woman, or a minority, or someone who had pulled themselves up from the depths of poverty by the power of sheer will and determination I might be a little more excited about trying to change the world one vote at a time. But as far I’m concerned the world is pretty much fucked no matter what anyway so who cares? We could have a handicapped, black, female Green Party president and we’d still be doing the same stupid shit, all the while cutting down forests worth of trees to make the paper on which to print up 100 million meaningless ballots every year so people can feel the warm placation of “deciding” to agree or disagree with what those with real influence have already determined will happen.

And the best part of all this? The absolute 100% certainty that a bunch of people will make sure to tell me how stupid I am for not voting, that it’s people like me “who let George W. Bush become president.” Actually, its the fucking millions of dumbshit Americans who voted for his ass who let him become president. And if I’m so stupid, why would you want me to vote anyway? If I’m such an idiot, shouldn’t you be glad that I’m not deciding your laws, your leaders? If all the people I thought were stupid didn’t vote, I might actually do it, because there’d be about 5 voters, total. And they’d all vote for me as President of The Universe because I win at life. So before you get all hot under the collar, take a moment to realize how much stupider you are than me, then write me a letter thanking me for providing you such insight, free of charge. Then vote for me, as a write-in candidate. You’re Welcome.

Just got this press release regarding the Deluxe Edition of Beck’s Odelay released this week:

The first pressing of the recent Odelay Deluxe Reissue was found to have gone out with unproofed lyrics that were taken from a lyrics website as place holders for layout purposes.

Beck apologizes for this unfortunate oversight and is making arrangements for the corrected lyrics to be available gratis via
Beck.com. Subsequent pressings of the Odelay Deluxe will also include the corrected lyrics

This is lulz for several reasons. First off, the fact that the staff at Geffen used a lyrics site for whatever reason is just a little bit ironic, given that the music industry has made a point to try to shut down these very sites through litigation and threats of jail time many times in the past. And second of all, the fact that the “corrected lyrics will be available” online kind of diminishes the idea that buying an actual legit copy of a record is worthwhile, especially at $19.99. But what do I know? After all, the music industry had a banner year in 2007, especially Geffen’s parent company, Universal.

VIGILANTISM. What a divisive concept. On the surface it seems like a just and righteous cause - righting wrongs where the powers that be do nothing. But it’s also a scary concept. That gang of torch-wielding villagers is powerful in their chaos, and once feeding into their own frenzy they cannot be stopped. Sure he looked scary and gross on the outside, but did Frankenstein’s monster really have it coming?

Regardless of whether you believe Scientology is a CULT or a legitimate RELIGION, whether it should be left alone to its own devices or kicked on its shellback, belly up for the feasting, is good for debate. However, while I personally believe that the Church of Scientology is a scam (…if anyone tells you they have THE ANSWER they are JUST TRYING TO SELL YOU SOMETHING, you silly-ass MARK. And the same can be said of organized Christianity, but that’s a debate for another day…) and the original concept of Anonymous’ war on CoS has merit, Anonymous’ attack on the Church of Scientology is, sadly, doomed to fail. The Church will not be brought down, its members will not be enlightened to the hierarchal brain-washing and its more nefarious designs, and a Utopian future where the everyman has power over the corporate superstructure will not come to be. Sorry brah.

This is what I believe will happen before Anonymous topples the Church of Scientology.

I call it the Schrodinger’s lolCat complex: No one likes a Clever Dick. This is especially true for an elite group of Clever Dicks that think they are more clever than every other Dick. Once an original idea enters the mainstream of popular internet culture, the group who originated it (such as those who frequent sites like 4chan) is quick to abandon their memes, in-jokes and conquests for lulz.
For instance, the fact that I used the term “lulz” means it’s already on the way out, soon to be replaced with a new portmanteau or new term altogether. Or another good example: lolcats. According to ED, the original creators coined the term Caturday, which took off in the Clever Dick society, eventually filtering down to the pop culture as lolcats. Now that your 44-year-old aunt in Wisconsin has seen and chortled at a lolcat, it’s fair to say the joke is over. The originators are over it, and a bit bitter about it too.
I imagine this same scenario playing out with Anonymous’ war on Scientology. It’s a funny, great and arguably just idea; one that will (and already has) spread into the pop culture with mercurial speed. And while its main proponents are still the revolutionary-minded counter-terrorist vigilante types, as the message spreads and more and more people get involved, the message and spirit will get diluted until the Anonymous originators see a diminishing return of lulz and tire of the war. At which point, drained of creativity, the war will grow to stalemate and sooner than later, the phenomenon will dissipate, relegated to the tomes of memes that are “so 1,000 years ago.” Once you put Schrodinger’s cat in that steel box it’s already as good as dead. By examining something you fundamentally change it, and although a cat is fine too, nobody even gives two shits about Schrodinger’s lolCat anymore.

On to the next silly internet thing. Here’s to progress. Thanks for the corruptions, Anonymous.

During a recent campaign speech in Florida, John McCain warned the crowd “I’m sorry to tell you, there’s going to be other wars. We will never surrender but there will be other wars.” How’s that for optimism? According to political pundit and former Republican Presidential candidate Pat Buchanan, a vote for McCain is basically a vote for war with Iran.

“You get John McCain in the White House, and I do believe we will be at war with Iran. There’s no doubt John McCain is going to be a war president. … His whole career is wrapped up in the military, national security. He’s in Putin’s face, he’s threatening the Iranians, we’re going to be in Iraq a hundred years.”

Buchanan’s not exaggerating about Iraq either. John McCain actually said he’s fine with that too:

He later clarifyied that troops could be there ‘thousand years’ or ‘a million years,’ for all he cares. Talk about legacy.

To make matter worse, John McCain is a certified Myspace STEALER:

John McCain’s people commandeered my world-renowned MySpace design template and did a few things wrong:

They did not credit me for the template, even though the template explicitly requested credit.

They used my own unmodified imagery, specifically for the “Contacting John McCain” table.

As if #2 wasn’t bad enough, the McCain crew is actually pulling their image directly from my server on each page load. So every time someone visits the McCain MySpace page, my bandwidth is being used to deliver part of the page! Bad McCain!

Luckily this led directly to lulz:

The McCain campaign of course immediately swung into action, dispatching their obviously crack squad of 1337 Myspace page cr34t0r5 to solve the problem. Or not.

So anyways, if you want a president who loves war, thinks the internet is a series of tubes, and looks like the emperor from Star Wars, VOTE MCCAIN ‘08!!111

In response to today’s widely circulated New Republic story on Ron Paul’s past missteps in the editorial realm, the Ron Paul 2008 grassroots support has taken evasive action. And before you shoot the messenger (or if you’re just looking for some lulz) you can find this and other swell Ron Paul related campaign materials at the web’s finest forum for Political Discourse, Encylopedia Dramatica.

Burger and Fries is not a very happy cat. Don’t worry though, for once this video does not involved any kind of animal getting its throat cut or getting skinned alive or anything. Its just a cat thats hella bummed on life. As opposed to the below cat, who seems pretty pumped about life, even after getting its ears pruned off. Maybe its just glad that its a cat in Japan, as opposed to a dolphin. We know what those fuckers do to dolphins.