Tokyo, Japan is testing out a new type of "space beer" where the barley is made from grains and seeds that traveled and were grown in outer space. It is the first generation of barley grown in a space laboratory. The laboratory students, professors and scientists from Okayama University in Japan have teamed with Sapporo Brewery, Ltd. to test the very first batch of "space beer." The first trial will be bottling 100 beers which will be ready in November of 2008. The space barley is being harvested this week from the seeds that grew in the International Space Station for five months back in 2006. A partial ounce of barley was also housed in the station during the trip and was planted at the Sapporo Brewery research farm when returned.

Japanese beer lovers are waiting in anticipation for the new "space beer." This biological study was conducted in order to determine how adaptable plants are when placed in a new environment. Environmental changes, especially something as stressful as going into space, will test the plants in a new situation. Once the 100 pounds of space barley are harvested this weekend the space beer will be in progress. Sapporo does not plan to put the special beer on the market for now, until more testing is done. No differences have been found by scientists between Earth and space barley so far. As for now, I’ll stick with good ol’ regular Sapporo because it’s delicious. I’m not too sure about drunk astronauts though.

A 14-year-old Japanese girl committed suicide by mixing laundry detergent and cleansers, then unwittingly poisoned 90 of her fellow neighbors with the pungent waft as a result.

The girl’s suicide Wednesday night was part of an expanding string of similar deaths that experts say have been encouraged by Internet suicide sites.

A 31-year-old man outside Tokyo killed himself inside a car early Thursday by mixing detergent and bath salts, police said. A local police spokesman refused to give further details, but Kyodo News agency reported the man put a sign reading “Stay Away” on the car window.

Reports of another similar case emerged Thusday afternoon when a 42-year-old woman in Nagoya, central Japan, was found dead in a bathtub. According to Kyodo, there was toilet cleaner and bath powder nearby, along with a sign outside that read, “Poisonous gas being emitted. Caution.”

Internet suicide sites?! What the hell is wrong with us? Not to mention, what the hell is wrong with Japan?

Japan’s government has long battled to contain the country’s alarmingly high suicide rate. A total of 32,155 people killed themselves in 2006, giving the country the ninth highest rate in the world, according to the government.

Suicides first passed the 30,000 mark in 1998, near the height of an economic slump that left many bankrupt, jobless and desperate.

The government has earmarked $220 million for anti-suicide programs to help those with depression and other mental conditions.

Last year it set a goal of cutting the suicide rate by 20 percent in 10 years through steps such as reducing unemployment, boosting workplace counseling and filtering Web sites that promote suicide.

It’s a good thing we’re too distracted by Lost and Britney Spears to be anywhere near the top 10 most suicidal countries. America Wins again!

Please excuse the pun, but I’ve never quite been able to wrap my head around jack-off machines. Who exactly were these made for? For those too busy to jerk themselves off? Too lazy? Those with fear of touching their own genitals? Personally speaking, I’ve never had a problem doing it manually, or with a partner, but I am apparently part of a predominant, yet shrinking market.

There are certainly Western-devised devices for similar methods of stress relief (I think my ex-roommate starred in one or two of those movies)…However, our Easterly neighbors in Japan present a truly stylish way to jerk-off electronically:

See? From Som’s Engrish Web Site:

“SOM” is our company’s original, high spec machine. You should experience its real satisfaction has never existed. It is possible to use with domestic power supply(100V). For long term use, make materials under the complete manners. If you have any trouble, we will guarantee the maintenance for free. We are sure of the super-satisfaction much more than it’s price

Oh well, so much for propagation of the species. Be sure to “make materials under the complete manners.” SOM comes in men’s, women’s and “PETIT” which we can only assume is built for your pets…

A Japanese government is claiming that activists aboard the anti-whaling vessel Steve Irwin threw acid on Japanese whalers about the ship Nisshin Maru during the recent two-day standoff between the ships in Australian-controlled Antarctic water:

Members of the campaign group Sea Shepherd threw brown envelopes containing butyric acid from their vessel the Steve Irwin onto the Japanese ship Nisshin Maru, Japan’s Vice Foreign Minister Itsunori Onodera said. “The butyric acid powder hit two crew members and two Japanese coast guard officers, who complained of pain,” Mr Onodera said.

However, the activists aboard the Steve Irwin, members of the conservation group, Sea Shepherd, are claiming that they merely through packets containing non-toxic, organic substances intended used to make the deck of the whaling boat slippery and foul smelling in order to make the processing of the whale meat more difficult:

“I guess we can call this non-violent chemical warfare,” Steve Irwin captain Paul Watson said. “We only use organic, non-toxic materials designed to harass and obstruct illegal whaling operations.”

Either way, the Japanese whalers definitely got off easy. In the US, groups like A.L.F. and E.L.F., despite their silly ass names, don’t fuck around with slippery substances or even acid. They just blow shit up.

And it’s not like it’s gonna do any good anyway. Even though most anyone with a tiny bit of compassion, common sense, or ecological conscience knows that whaling has no place in the 21st Century, the Japanese people do like themselves some whale meat. They even feed it to school children. Oh yeah and they also love to herd dolphins together and slaughter them, slitting their throats and watching them writhe in agony:

But good luck trying to convince them that this is somehow inhumane. They are known to be stubborn folks. Remember that one time we had to fight a war with them? That didn’t really go too well. But hey! Before we go hating on the Japanese folks for killing whales with harpoons, maybe we ought to take a look in the mirror and realize that we all have a little whale blood on our own hands, courtesy of the pollution and environmental damage we each cause, every day. Feel bad yet?? I know I DO! However, you can do your best to save the whales by following these 10 Tips courtesy of Savethewhales.org:

1. Volunteer with local community groups to stencil storm drains, Adopt A Beach, or monitor the water quality of local watersheds. Organize your classroom, school club, or organization to clean litter from rivers, creeks, estuaries, and beaches.Did you know? Storm water pollution (urban runoff) is the leading cause of water pollution nationwide.Pollutants such as motor oil, antifreeze, detergents, litter, paint, pesticides, pet waste, and copper (from brake pads) are flushed off streets and into storm drains which lead straight to rivers, creeks, and the oceans.

2. Participate in Save The Whales’ letter writing campaigns with your classroom, club, or church group. Invite friends over for a “letter writing” party. Print letters from Save The Whales “Action Alert” section under the Take Action. One letter from an individual to a government official represents the opinion of hundreds of people. Letters are powerful tools of influence.

3. Cut up plastic six-pac rings before recycling or disposing them in the garbage. Thousands of birds, fish, and other marine creatures die needlessly from entanglement.

4.Pick up trash while walking in your neighborhoods. Participate in National Coastal Clean Up Day (September) www.coastforyou.org to prevent pollution in watersheds and storm drains. Did you know that? One of the most common sources of beach pollution is cigarette butts. They can take up to seven years to breakdown. Last year, over one million cigarette butts were removed by volunteers during National Coastal Clean Up Day.

5. Never release balloons outside as they can travel hundreds of miles and land in rivers, creeks, and oceans. Whales, dolphins and turtles can be killed by ingesting balloons mistaken for jellyfish. See Save The Whales “Balloon Alert” flyer in English and Spanish. Educate your schools or community businesses not to participate in balloon releases. A 60 foot sperm whale washed up dead from ingesting a balloon which blocked its stomach and caused it to starve.

6. Keep your car well maintained to prevent leaks onto roadways and driveways which cause water pollution. Carpool when possible, or ride a bike. Recycle used motor oil for free. Take hazardous waste such as paint, pesticides, and antifreeze to a hazardous waste site. Call 1-800- CLEAN-UP or visit www.cleanup.org for the free drop off location near you.

7. Never discard used fishing line and hooks in the water. This can entangle birds, fish, turtles, seals, and otters and cause the death of these animals.

8.Never dump anything in the street as it goes into the storm drains which travel straight to rivers, creeks, and ultimately the oceans without being cleaned. Did you know that? One quart of motor oil can pollute 250,000 gallons of water. A drop of oil the size of a dime stuck on a sea otter can kill them. They die from hypothermia (freezing to death).

9.Recycle, Reuse and Reduce. Landfills across the nation are filling up with discarded items and refuse. Hazardous waste thrown in the garbage, ends up in landfills where it leeches into the soil and ground water causing contamination. Reduce your refuse by recycling, reusing and composting. Plant an organic garden free of pesticides.

10.Buy products that are environmentally friendly and support organic farming.

Did you know that Japanese people love McDonalds?

McDonald’s Holdings Co. (Japan) Ltd. said Thursday its consolidated net profit in 2007 was five times higher than in the previous year, totaling 7.82 billion yen on record high sales of 395.06 billion yen, up 11.1 percent.

In Japan, Ronald McDonald is actually called Donald, probably because he fucking GOES OFF so much harder than the American version that they had to call him something else (not to mention that Japanese folk sometimes have a little bit of trouble with the old Rs and Ls). Not just that, but old Donald McDonald also has a fly ass girlfriend.

AH JAPAN! Where American things that suck go to be cool!

Watch this a few times and reconsider. If you’re the type of person who learned to think twice before watching any of my videos, I’ll give you a break down: it basically shows a bunch of dolphins being herded up and dragged out of the water, where their throats are then slit, and they’re left to writhe in agony on the concrete until they bleed to death. Whatever happened to Zen and all that shit? I mean, no wonder everyone in Japan is killing themselves.