So remember how cute it used to be when The Shins were totally changing people’s lives and the fugly dude from the band was dating Elyse Sewell from America’s Next Top Model and everyone totally wished they lived in Portland and had 34 cats and got to drink lattes in the rain all day and sing about 1805? Well all is not well in Spockville. Both Sewell and Shins bassist/keyboardist Martin Crandall were arrested this past weekend for Domestic Assault. From Sewell’s Livejournal:

Think you had a shitty weekend? Nah. Why not compare it to mine? 1.) On the drive home (home?) from Albuquerque to Portland, my ex-boyfriend got shitfaced and roughed me up in a Sacramento hotel. I escaped from the room through a blitzkrieg of violence and talked to hotel security, who called the fuzz.2.) Because he had a bite mark, inflicted in self-defense, on his arm, Marty told the police to PRESS CHARGES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST ME. Now I am a felon.3.) I spent the night in jail. Dig the hilarious monetary contents of my wallet as described by the pig who booked me:4.) Jailors. America’s Next Top Model fans, all. As the warden took pics of my bloody knuckles for evidence (!!!! evidence!), he quipped, “So there goes that hand modeling job, huh? What’s Tyra going to say about this?” And here is how I was summoned from the holding cell for a strip-search, complete with a thorough plumbing of the boodissy: “Hey, Supermodel! Git over here!”4.) A bail bondsman (!!! I have a bail bondsman!) got me out of the hoosegow this morning and took me to a hotel room where I now await my court date. Martin Lesley Crandall is still incarcerated. You can follow his saga by searching for his name on sacsheriff.com (inmate information).So I’m stuck in Sac-town, alone and lonely, for 4-5 days until court. Court! OMFG.On the flip side, I’m single and um, ready to mingle. Blind date, anyone?

They will both be in Sacramento courtroom tomorrow to face the music. Who wants to go?

Hi. I’m going to put “Amy Winehouse News Correspondent” as one of my job titles on my next business card. Okay, so, —the weirdest thing just happened— Amy Winehouse was arrested. Here’s what MSNBC says…

Singer Amy Winehouse was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of attempting to interfere with a court case involving her husband, Sky News reported.

Police would not confirm the report but said a 24-year-old was arrested during an appointment at a police station in connection with an investigation into perverting the course of justice.

Winehouse, 24, recently canceled all concerts and public appearances for the rest of the year on doctor’s orders. Her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, was ordered held in custody in London last month on charges of perverting the course of justice stemming from a case in which he is accused of assaulting a barman in June.

Fielder-Civil allegedly tried to interfere with a witness’ testimony, according to court documents.

Winehouse, an admitted marijuana smoker, has been dogged by reports of continued drug use amid a flurry of canceled concert dates. She was recently spotted walking outside of her London home wearing a bra and jeans, with no shoes, looking distressed.

The British singer received six Grammy Award nominations on Dec. 11 after months of personal problems that took the focus off her gritty, soulful music.

 

Hmmm. Is the girl even news worthy anymore? Didn’t everyone already assume she was in some sort of locked down facility? Are you saying “who cares?”? WELL I CARE! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET OVER MY NEXT BOYFRIEND WITHOUT HER NEXT ALBUM!??? I hope they give her some pens and paper in jail ’cause that girl better get to writing some shit down. Get to work, Winehouse!

Further news:

“It had been speculated that police might have an interest in any allegation about his wife’s potential involvement.”

Fielder-Civil, 25, and Michael Brown are accused of assaulting James King, the landlord of Macbeths public house in Hoxton, east London, on June 20 last year.

It is alleged that they later conspired to pervert the course of justice by offering Mr King a significant amount of money to withdraw his allegation and leave the country.

As if Kid Rock’s life weren’t already a goddamn farce, with his ex-wife Pam Anderson bowing down to Paris Hilton pumper Rick Salomon, now he’s frequenting waffle houses, getting into fights and being sent to jail. If only the creators of Reality TV would have thought of it sooner: Kid Rock…whitest white man alive…hugest poser of the century…in jail with real live Hotlanta Gangstas. Too bad he was released in 12 hours. He looks like he got his ass kicked though. Hooray!

T.I. who was arrested this weekend on gun charges apparently had quite a collection and now is facing federal gun charges. His week got that much today when U.S. Magistrate Alan Baverman ordered T.I. to remain in jail at least until Friday, when the judge will hold hearings to determine whether he’s eligible for a bond and whether or not there was probable cause to arrest him. Federal prosecutors want to keep him in until trial which will probably be a while and if he’s convicted he’ll face probably five or more years in federal prison.

T.I. attorney Steve Sadow requested the bond hearing be postponed until Friday to give the defense team more time to get ready. Odds are it’ll be pretty tough for T.I.’s defense team convince the judge to allow a bond for a guy who has a prior crack dealing felony conviction and who (at least allegedly) had an small arsenal of weaponry at his College Park home.

His bodyguard flipped on him and said that in September he “delivered a 9-mm pistol to Harris, who invited the bodyguard into his bedroom, the affidavit said. Inside, there was a walk-in closet with a safe tall enough for a person to enter with a fingerprint-reading scanner as a lock, the affidavit said. The safe contained multiple short rifles, including an assault rifle inside a black bag, according to the affidavit.”

Yeah - that’s probably not good…