I’ll admit, things in America suck right now, compared to the salad days of the late-nineties. But from the daily headlines regarding the current financial downturn, you’d think Hoovervilles are already springing up outside every major American city. As I’ve pointed out in previous posts, the hyperbole surrounding these events is laughable once you get into the meat of the stories. Like the story a few weeks back about the “ruined lives” of Bear Stearns employees, in which one executive stock options were worth a mere $28 million dollars, and lesser employees were forced to put their “weekend homes” up for sale, or another story about the California housing market in which the shrinking pool of mortgage related credit had forced one homeowner to “cut back on travel” and find other means by which to pay for his “investment properties.” Today, I found yet another golden quote, in a story with the dire headline “Food Costs Rising Fastest in 17 Years,” which definitely sounds scary. Should we expect food riots in the streets of New York? Soviet-style bread lines at bakeries nationwide? OMG WHAT DO WE HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF NOW???! How about $20 key lime pies that now cost $25?

Steve Tarpin can bake a graham cracker crust in his sleep, but explaining why the price for his Key lime pies went from $20 to $25 required mastering a thornier topic: global economics. The owner of Steve’s Authentic Key Lime Pies in Brooklyn said he didn’t want customers thinking he was “jacking up prices because I have a unique product.”

“I have to justify it,” he said.

I somehow doubt that anyone who could afford a $20 key lime pie is somehow going to starve now that they have to pay $5 more. But then the story got even better:

“I was talking to people who make $9 an hour, talking about how they might save $5 a week,” said Kathleen DiChiara, president and CEO of the Community FoodBank of New Jersey. “They really felt they couldn’t. That was before. Now, they have to.”

For some, that means adding an extra cup of water to their soup, watering down their milk, or giving their children soda because it’s cheaper than milk, DiChiara said

Umm…have they ever heard of WATER?? It’s this thing that runs out of the faucet. And guess how much it costs?? $0.0000000!!11 But I guess if you’re poor you’re not really interested in giving your kids something healthy to drink, especially not something totally free.

Here’s a link to a super uplifting post on io9.com called 12 Ways To Prepare For The Next Great Depression. I’m going to start stockpiling coffee and dried meats.

Get out of your mortgage before the housing market collapses any further. As this site says, if you paid $300,000 for your house and it sells for $200,000, you could end up not owning your house and owing the bank $100,000.

Buy some cheap land in a rural area. Build a house, or just get a used RV. Either way, make sure you own your home free and clear, so you can live rent-free and mortgage-free for as long as you need to.

Go off the grid. Get your own power generator — or, better yet, some of those solar helium balloons. Or some wind turbines. Don’t be dependent on the power company to keep all your necessities running.

Cultivate some skills that will always be in demand. Become a decent electrician, handy-person, carpenter or cook. There may not be much need for someone who understands content management systems during a total economic shutdown, but someone who can build a house will always have a place to crash.

Go read the rest and start saving that canned food.

In 2006, AT&T promised to return 5000 of the jobs it had outsourced to India back to America. However, according to CEO Randall Stephenson, America’s increasing stupidity is making it hard to fulfill that promise:

“We’re having trouble finding the numbers that we need with the skills that are required to do these jobs,” AT&T Chief Executive Randall Stephenson told a business group in San Antonio, where the company’s headquarters is located.

So far, only around 1,400 jobs have been returned to the United States of 5,000, a target it set in 2006, the company said, adding that it maintains the target.

Stephenson said he is especially distressed that in some U.S. communities and among certain groups, the high school dropout rate is as high as 50 percent.

By “certain groups,” he of course means black people, American Indians and Hispanics.

Not surprisingly, this graph could basically be flipped upside down, and retitled, Imprisonment Percentages and be pretty damn spot on. It would be funny if it weren’t sad. But hey, at least our housing market is doing AWESOME!

 While the urban centers in California remain relatively safe from the tumbling housing market, the sprawling suburbs in their outlying areas are quickly heading for what some Urban Planners are deeming Slumburbia, the type miserable crime-infested living conditions usually associated with inner-cities: 

“Over the last few decades we’ve structurally overinvested in fringe real estate,” explains Christopher Leinberger, a visiting fellow at the Brookings Institute and a former developer. “Builders are experts in overbuilding, in terms of cyclical overbuilding, like lemmings to the sea. But this time it’s different. It’s not just a cycle. It’s going to take more than two or three years to recover from this.”Last fall, Leinberger published “The Option of Urbanism,” a book about the changing sociology of the built environment. He sees the growing attraction to urban living as a matter of critical importance. This month, his essay in the Atlantic magazine provocatively asserts that McMansion developments would deteriorate into crime ridden, impoverished slums. In the piece he mentions several instances of suburban neighborhoods getting hit so hard by the recent downturn that they already exhibit the tell-tale signs of deep decline: Looters stealing copper pipe and siding from new homes, gunshots puncturing picture-perfect facades, squatters taking up residence in abandoned houses.

But there’s an upshot:

“It’s an enormous opportunity,” says John Norquist, former mayor of Milwaukee, Wis., and president of the Congress for the New Urbanism. “Thirty percent of the housing stock that will exist in 2030 hasn’t been built yet. Developers who are creating walkable neighborhoods are doing very well.” Indeed, the fact that Americans are embracing walkable neighborhoods is a good thing for their waistlines, their pocketbooks and the planet. “(Al) Gore talks about the inconvenient truth,” says Norquist, “I call this the convenient solution: living in a more urban way.”

Read the full article here.