Clicked on the link on Drudge for “Primary Results” and I got this gem courtest of ABC News. Wow. Barack Obama checking in with 0% of the vote, followed closely by Hillary Clinton with 0% of the vote. BREAKING NEWS! Besides, its not like these primaries matter: everyone knows that Ron Paul is gonna be president any way. RON PAUL ‘08…Oh wait…

Humor us with captions!

Click to enlarge Bill’s boredom.

Whether getting busted for booze (twice) or fueling pre-marital pregnancy rumors with poor fashion choices, Jenna Bush has always been the headline grabber of President Bush’s two lovely daughters, and last night was no different. As a guest on Larry King Live last night, Jenna came clean and admitted that she will not necessarily vote for John McCain in the fall election, and might instead opt for either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. Whatever with that though, the real news is that apparently those infamous beach photos aren’t actually her…bahh. But hey, its the internet, so we can all just pretend from now on and eventually, everyone will believe its the truth. AH MEMETICS!

Yesterday’s misleadingly-titled “100 Mayors For Hillary” event went off without a hitch! … Except  only 19 mayors actually showed up to the Rotunda of the Pennsylvania Capital. What do you do when less than 20% of your guests show up?

Step 1: Throw their names on a plaque. Tell the public:

“Rally organizers never expected all 100 mayors to attend and that some were participating in Clinton events in their home cities,” said Kathleen Strand of the Clinton campaign.

Step 2:  Take the focus off yourself. Begin Obama-bashing…

Obama’s comments at an SF fundraiser: some voters in small towns in Pennsylvania cling to guns or religion because of their frustration over their economic circumstances.

Harrisburg Mayor Stephen Reed: “Obama’s comments are divisive and condescending… Small-town values are the bedrock of American values.”

Step 3: Cloud it with confusion.

At a later rally yesterday, supportive mayor, Easton’s Sal Panto, claimed, “Earlier today I was in our Capitol in Harrisburg, in the Rotunda, where I was joined by 100 other mayors across our state, in a coalition that this state has never seen, in support of Sen. Clinton.”

I tried to throw my boyfriend a surprise party once. Only 3 of his friends showed up. I felt kinda bad so I invited 3 of my girlfriends. Everyone went home with a smile on their face. I should be a party planner.

In order to help paint her opponent Barack Obama as the “elitist” candidate, on the heels of his recent remarks in San Francisco that small town Midwesterners “get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations,” Hillary Clinton took shots of Crown Royal and ate a slice of pizza with Indiana supporters on Saturday. Hopefully this marks a new turn in the contest for the Democratic nomination, in which Clinton and Obama see who can party hardest. Maybe Obama will start doing cocaine again. But that might be a little too “elitist.” He should probably switch to Meth, and really get after that small town vote!

My boss will think this is funny. I just think people have too much time on their hands.