The Juno Hamburger Phone

 So everyone knows that Montgomery Ward basically sucks at life, but further proof comes in the form of the fact that, as the sole reputable retail outlet of the Hamburger Phone, made famous by the movie Juno, the faltering chain stood to stack some serious fucking loot from every Indie Rock wannabe and kids who were too young to have The Shins “change their lives” but are now ready to hop on the new Kimya Dawson spock bandwagon. Unfortunately, like dumbfucks, they are out of stock, forcing folks to turn other, somewhat dubious online retailers. That sound you heard was some dude at the Hamburger Phone factory in Hong Kong hiring like 23423543 new workers to churn out Hamburgers phones on the quick before the next momentary fad movie provides teens and twenty-somethings with hollow existences everyman characters with whom they can TOTALLY IDENTIFY.