Okay, kudos to Sneak Attack Media on the email pitch I received the other day. I have NO idea what it’s for, and if it sucks that PR company will be the recipient of a manila envelope with headshot and glitter stars, ala Tobias Funke. But here goes:

“On April 15th there’s going to be a pretty huge announcement in LA, that seriously affects the rock world. Please check out the link below.

http://newmedia.10thst.com/teaser/teaser_rockvine.mov

On April 15, there will be a huge announcement in rock. It will take place in LA and you can win a chance to hear the news first-hand. Check out this video for clues and if you think you know what’s up, enter your guesses at THEROCKVINE.COM for a chance to win.”

Okay, I’ll bite. I’m guessing it’s the announcement of some supposed badass supergroup, or maybe a rock reunion of some sort. I’m hoping dyed long hair and piles cocaine will be involved, though. Sneak Attack Media, your move…

I present you with yet another example of that staple of blogdom, that old-reliable dead horse of lulz, the INADVERTANTLY HUMOROUS MAINSTREAMING OF THE EMO CULTURE. YAYYYYYYYYY! Today’s contestant is ultra lame Lovetoknow.com, yet another shining example of why Web 2.0 is twice as lame as Web 1.0. In there stunningly well researched breakdown of Emo Hairstyles, they offer up such gems as “Emo Style Misconceptions”:

Teenagers are frequently misunderstood, and so are their hair styles. Emo styles, in particular, may be misunderstood by parents and adults who see the styles as rebellious or uncaring. Popular misconceptions include:

* Emo styles must be long hair. Even a short hair style can be crafted to reflect the wearer’s emotions, and an emo style with short hair can be just as expressive as one with long hair.
* Emo styles aren’t washed frequently. Because creating a style to reflect one’s emotions may require copious amounts of hair gel and other styling products, many people assume that the hair isn’t clean. While some teenagers may choose not to wash their hair daily, this is not a necessary characteristic of emo styles.
* Only guys wear emo styles. In fact, many young women use their hair styles to express their emotions, and female emo hair cuts are just as popular as those among young men. This misconception comes from the roots of the style, when primarily male bands first introduced the popular look to teenagers.
* Teens who wear emo styles are unstable. Parents and other adults can be nervous when a teen radically changes their hair style, especially if it is outside the accepted bounds of “proper” hair styles. The fact that many emo styles change regularly can be disconcerting to people who don’t understand the type of style. In fact, individuals who wear emo hair styles cannot be judged by the way their hair looks any better than they can be judged by the type of music they listen to or the clothes they wear.

And the even more inspiring “Choosing an Emo Style”:

The best place an individual can look for inspiration for their emo style, however, is inside themselves. Because an emo style is a deeply personal expression, it cannot be copied from another person who many not have the same thoughts, beliefs, or emotions. Certain elements of different hair styles may appeal to many teenagers, but the style should always incorporate personal flair and preferences for color, length, styling, and other details. Consulting with a professional stylist can also help individuals choose expressive styles that are suitable for their face shape, hair texture, and other hair care needs.

Best of all though, are the actual pictures of supposed “emo styles” which range from loser goth creep guy with a fucking dagger earring

to street punk dyke who sucks dick for enough money to buy a tall can of Steel Reserve:

SORRY BRO TOTALLY NOT EMO

Myself, I wasn’t entirely thrilled with Daphne Loves Derby’s Good Night, Witness Light, but about a hundred thousand 17 year old Asian scene kids who used to have mad rad hair accounts are THRILLED.

Like, OMG! Their PureVolume Page. Joining Daphne Loves Derby will be This Providence, The Higher and The Reign of Kindo. I’m kind of feeling This Providence, though.

After writing that I decided to track down my DLD album just to remind myself why they aren’t my favorite band. Diet punk for the sensitive and misunderstood. Now I need to listen to some brutal metal to cleanse my palette. fuuuuuuuuuu……..

Oct 20 2007 6:00PM
Beat Kitchen w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
Chicago, Illinois

Oct 21 2007
6:00P
Varsity Theater w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Oct 23 2007
6:00P
Mac’s Bar w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Lansing, Michigan

Oct 24 2007
6:00P
Agora Ballroom w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
Cleveland, Ohio

Oct 25 2007
6:00P
Xtreme Wheels w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
Buffalo, New York

Oct 26 2007
6:30P
School Of Rock w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
South Hackensack, New Jersey

Oct 27 2007
6:00P
The Harmony Grange w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign Of Kindo
Wilmington, Delaware

Oct 28 2007
2:30P
Trocadero - EARLY SHOW w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign Of Kindo
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Oct 29 2007
7:00P
Living Room w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
Providence, Rhode Island

Oct 30 2007
6:30P
Webster Theatre w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
Hartford, Connecticut

Nov 1 2007
7:00P
The Knitting Factory w/ This Providence, The Higher, Reign of Kindo
New York, New York

Nov 2 2007
5:30P
Club Relevant w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Virginia Beach, Virginia

Nov 3 2007
5:30P
The Brewery w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Raleigh, North Carolina

Nov 5 2007
6:00P
The Masquerade w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Atlanta, Georgia

Nov 6 2007
7:00P
The Orpheum w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Tampa, Florida

Nov 7 2007
6:00P
AKA Lounge w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Orlando, Florida

Nov 9 2007
7:00P
Javajazz w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Houston, Texas

Nov 10 2007
6:00P
Rock Bottom Bar w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
San Antonio, Texas

Nov 11 2007
6:30P
The Door w/ This Providence, The Higher, The Reign of Kindo
Dallas, Texas