Contrary to my dream last night, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was not recently fired from her position for not disclosing that she was, indeed, a Hermaphrodite. One thing’s for certain: I really should stop listening to BBC World Service while I’m trying to fall asleep. The Aqua Teen Hunger Force episodes probably didn’t help either. I mean, really, when do they?

The weird dream prompted me to look up Condi on google news this morning. After attempting the key words “Condoleezza Rice Hermaphrodite,” which luckily found no results, I stumbled upon an article from ABC News about Condi’s former life as an aspiring pianist.

From ABC:

As a 17-year-old sophomore at the University of Denver, Rice was a music major with big dreams, who had started learning to play the piano from her grandmother at the age of three.

“I could read music before I could read. And I was absolutely certain that I was going to end up playing at Carnegie Hall,” Rice said onstage prior to her performance on Saturday.

Her first appearance at the Aspen Music Festival, however, quickly changed a young Condoleezza Rice’s mind.

“After listening to some of the 11- and 12-year-olds play, who could play from sight everything it had taken me all year to learn, I thought, ‘you know, you’re going to end up playing at Nordstrom or a piano bar, but not Carnegie Hall,’” she said.

Imagine the world that could have been. Actually, there’s probably no difference as Bush would have just appointed some other tool into a high position, but it does give me a giggle thinking of Condi hammering away at Nordstrom or some bullshit.

PLAY SOME SKYNNARD!!! WHOO!!!

Right now, a substantial amount of people are looking up “The Shocker” on Google….but it’s all a jumbled mishmash of uses. “Political Shocker,” “RUnway fashion shocker,” “animal cruelty shocker,” “internet friend social profile shocker,” etc.

Let me solve this confusion. There is one and one only shocker.

If you’re really adventurous, you’ll try the “one in the pink” variation.

It’s been a tough morning for me ever since Howard Stern announced Playboy Playmate Shawn Carla Hektor as Miss Howard TV August 2008. Oh! The trials that have come to pass since then.

I’ve had to search for pictures of her ALL MORNING. Let me tell you - it’s tough to find a shot without her boobs exposed. Today’s gonna be just ruined for me! Gha!

Google trends.  What woudl I do without you?

Google Trends is usually pretty helpful in finding out what topics of the day are the most searched and popular. Last week the swastika was a hot trend but it turns out we were all lied to. Hackers are manipulating Google Trends so offensive words show up as hot trends. The swastika was first, now the words “fuck you google” flipped backwards to get through a spam filter. And I thought some white supremacist creepers were teaming up to take down the internet or something.

Eschewing traditional cameras, the video for Radiohead’s “House of Cards” has been made with frickin’ laser beams. Next week, you can check that shit out here. I read the press release about it, and in lieu of understanding what the fuck they’re talking about, focused on the word “laser.” Blog award, right here.

From Nasty Little Man:

RADIOHEAD MAKES CAMERA-FREE VIDEO
“House Of Cards” Clip Created Exclusively Using Geometric Informatics and Velodyne Lidar Technology
World Premiere Early Next Week at Google
Data Made Available To Enable Fans To Create Their Own Short Clips

In keeping with their decision not to make conventional promotional music videos for any of the tracks on In Rainbows, Radiohead used absolutely no cameras in the making of its new  “House Of Cards” clip, which can be viewed at Google.com

Instead, “House Of Cards”, directed by James Frost of Zoo Films, was created utilizing two technologies: Geometric Informatics and Velodyne Lidar.  The Geometric Informatics scanning system employs structured light to capture detailed 3D images at close proximity, and was used to render the performances of Radiohead’s  Thom Yorke, the female lead and several partygoers.  The Velodyne Lidar system uses multiple lasers to capture large environments in 3D, in this case 64 lasers rotating and shooting in a 360 degree radius 900 times per minute, capturing all of the exterior scenes and wide party shots. Geometric processed their own data while 510 Systems processed the Velodyne Lidar data. The data was then manipulated by Union Editorial and the Syndicate to create the final result.

Google will premiere the video early next week at http://code.google.com/radiohead Additionally,  the band will be making available the data used to create the video for fans to manipulate into their own unique short clips. A short documentary detailing the unique process used to create the video will also be available via this link, as will 3D renderings of selected scenes.

Of Radiohead’s decision to eschew cameras for the “video,” Thom Yorke commented, “I always like the idea of using technology in a way that it wasn’t meant to be used, the struggle to get your head round what you can do with it. I liked the idea of making a video of human beings and real life and time without using any cameras, just lasers, so there are just mathematical points–and how strangely emotional it ended up being.”

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v330/Insomnomaniac/dr_evil_laser.jpg

Today, our good friend Google is recognizing “special people,” a term said cautiously with clammy hands so as not to offend the parents/guardians of “special people,” who up until recently had been recognized by other terms.

Get those nasty comments ready, because I have a question for ya:

What is so special about being retarded?

Here’s to blissful ignorance. Get your child out of their hugbox and ready those angry comments and letters. It’s going to be one of those days.