STOPWHATYOUREDOING! GETINDOORS! FUCKINGMEASLESOUTBREAK! FOXNEWSREPORTS! BUYMOREONLINEDONTGOOUTDOORS! MEASLES!

measles!

Reuters — The biggest U.S. outbreak of measles since 1997 has sickened 127 people in 15 states, most of whom were not vaccinated against the highly contagious viral illness, federal health officials said on Wednesday.

MEASLES!

Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

I love Queens of the Stone Age, but I’ve always hated Josh Homme’s stage banter. He talks like a kid who just discovered how to curse, ultra excited to use words like “fuck, and “pussy.” Here’s Josh being really mature, berating and ultimately ejecting a teenage kid in Norway for throwing a water bottle at him. Rock and roll! Ow!

I just saw a video on CNN detailing the various emotions that the Hulk and his ex-wife are feeling about their split. A pair of “analysts” waxed on the possible repercussions of Linda Hogan dating a 19 year old, while Hulk spoke to Larry King about his feelings.

This entire fascination with the Hogan family is sick and it doesn’t make any sense at all. Hulk Hogan hasn’t been relevant in the field of wrestling for 15 years and why anybody would ever find his family’s daily life interesting is beyond me. He’s just a yahoo egomaniac with a ten cent head. Who fucking cares who Hulk Hogan dates? Who gives a shit as to whether his wife is screwing a teen? His troubled son is just another dude in jail, and as for the daughter…well, FUCK IT.

In a perfect world, the entire family would be sent to prison on charges of gross vanity.

Fuck all this Obamania horse shit. I’m voting Republican because I want government out of my life, except when it comes to who I fuck, how I fuck, what happens after I fuck, what church I go to, and who I pay to blow up.

Usually, playing video games are the one way to ensure that you’ll never fuck or be fucked by anybody. But Wii Fit is changing the game. Its the sexiest thing that’s happened to gaming since…well, basically ever. Thanks to Thug E Fresh for the link, as usual.