Someone needs to tell Alternative Press magazine that their covers are not Hype Williams videos. Photoshop’s cool and all when you’re trying to shoop out some fatass frontman’s double chin, or get rid of some emo kid’s zits, but next month’s cover looks like a propaganda poster for Hitler Youth. Actually I’m sure both Anthony Green and Craig Owens both possess supernaturally luminous blue eyes, just like they can TOTALLY HIT ALL THOSE HIGH NOTES LIVE!!!!

In b4 “at least they still have a magazine”

While the rest of the world is beginning to face a major food crisis, prompting the UN to get off their collective fat ass, Americans are still trying their best to lose weight. Today on the Morning Show, one of the topics was the HCG Diet, which includes injecting HCG (Human ChorioGonadotropin) Hormone while eating a daily 500-calorie diet. Hey, here’s an idea:

How about instead of injecting your body with hormones and starving yourself, JUST EAT LESS. Try getting off the HOG diet.

Here’s another idea: instead of driving every single place you go, work off some of that FAT ASS of yours and ride a bike. Instead of taking the elevator, take the stairs. You fat ass piece of shit.