“The Best Revenge Is Giving Them Crabs” is the motto of Revenge Crabs, a new Web site created by retail crab lice specialists. They can even custom breed aggressive species. JESUS!

In short, we give crabs to your ex-girlfriend. No if’s, not too many and’s, but we promise a very itchy butt. You’ve got an ex, a grudge and a valid credit card with matching billing & shipping addresses, and we’ve got crabs.If you want a way to get back that doesn’t involve permanent damage or risk of personal injury or jail time, you now have a place to turn.

They mail you out a little package with purple dots in it, which are live crabs. They need to be sprinkled on bedding, clothing, etc. to ensure the person fully suffers from genital lice. GROSS!

Breath easy internet, I have returned to my blogging post. Over the last week and a half I’ve been journeying up the Pacific Coast with Bear Hunter . As it turns out, when I try and write on my laptop while in the van I start to puke all over my band mates — hence, my absence from Synthesis Blog. Over the next few days I will be recounting my harrowing journey (in between fascinating posts about pop stars getting busted for drugs, children with weird growths on their bodies and general paranoid-paranormal fodder). Get ready, dear readers. Get your asses ready.

At first this struck me as a bit rude: A web site where women sell the jewelry that their ex-boyfriends have given them. I mean, a present is a present, right? No matter how you broke up, at one point your former beau was that enamored with you enough to drop some coin on a shiny trinket, and that gift should be a memory of those happy times. Right?

But I started to see it from the other side. I am fortunate enough to remain friendly (or actual bona fide friends) with the majority of my ex girlfriends. But I know my case is more the exception than the rule. I’m sure that for some, those once-lovely diamond earrings are now a painful reminder of stillborn love. But what to do with such damaged goods? Try selling it on www.ExBoyfriendJewelry.com.

(You might want to check back with them soon. Right now the site’s shut down because of too much traffic…)

And here’s the kicker. Each piece of jewelry comes with a description, both of the item and the circumstances of the breakup. A way to hock your wares and air your grievances? Dish-dish-dish! I think site creators Megahn and Marie Perry may have struck a goldmine (should they decide to take a small cut, like eBay does).

Megahn’s kinda hot, too. I wonder if she’s into hirsute bloggers who like Gibson guitars, Indian food and casual drug use?

There’s some great shopping on there, girls! But remember, the best gifts are the gifts you give yourself.