Starbucks has plans to close around 600 stores that don’t perform to their standards. This will eliminate 12,000 full and part time employees. The store closures will happen at the end of the first half of the fiscal year; aka September 2009. Severence costs could be up to $348 million. Only 200 new U.S. stores are set to open in 2009. Better start digging out your best local coffee shops or switch to Peet’s. It might be nice not to see that green Starbucks symbol every block. Kick the expensive habit or get angry?

The other day I blogged about a very unfortunate victim of the California housing bubble who was forced to “cut back on travel.” Today, I found a much, much more tragic story, involving the employees of Bear Stearns, who saw the shares they had aquired in their company ( more than 30% of the company’s outstanding shares) sold to rival JP Morgan for $2 a share in a last ditch, federally-backed effort to stave off bankruptcy:

For James Cayne, the firm’s chairman and former chief executive, holding on to his Bear stock was a point of pride, and he rarely, if ever, sold. A billionaire just over a year ago when Bear’s stock soared past $160, his 5.8 million shares are now worth about $28 million at Monday’s closing price of $4.81.

Only $28 million dollars?? How is he supposed to LIVE!!!! HOW WILL HIS KIDS EAT!?????? The lesser employees of the company found themselves in even more dire straights:

“My life has been flushed down the drain,” said one person. There was talk Monday that with their life savings nearly depleted, some executives had moved quickly, putting their weekend homes on the market.

SELLING THEIR WEEKEND HOMES!!! HOLY SHIT CALL THE FUCKING NATIONAL GUARD. THESE PEOPLE WILL DIE WITHOUT AN IMMEDIATE INJECTION OF 18 HOLES OF GOLF AND A TRIP TO THE DAY SPA FOR A MASSAGE!!