So its pretty much become standard from every emo pop band worth its salt to do a Christmas song, and this year is definitely no different. But while most suck major balls, one of the best original numbers in this year’s Christmas song pool comes from our friends and fellow townsfolk Brighten. Check out the video for “Merry Christmas Baby” which also features John from The Maine, and come to terms with the fact that, try as hard as you might, but you will never match the ultimate cuteness effortlessly exhibited by Brighten at all times. EVER. Oh yeah and if you’re an one of the few A&R guys who didn’t get fired this month, get off your ass and sign these dudes NOW. THNX

In case the 12-year-old suburban high school douchebags in all-over-print hoodies and stunner shades weren’t proof enough that crunk/hyphy/etc. al hadn’t jumped the shark long ago, the latest nail in the coffin comes courtesy of our friends at Fearless Records, who today announced their plans for a Punk Goes Crunk compiliation. From the press release:

Fearless Records (Plain White T’s, Sugarcult, Mayday Parade) will release Punk Goes Crunk in April 2008. This compilation will feature popular rock, pop, screamo, and punk artists covering popular rap and hip-hop tracks.

Punk Goes Crunk will include songs off of the never released Immortal Records compilation, Yo! Indie Rock Raps, such as Say Anything, Kenny from The Starting Line, New Found Glory, The Maine, Hot Rod Circut, My American Heart, and Scary Kids Scaring Kids. This album will also include tracks from All Time Low, The Devil Wears Prada, Set Your Goals, and other artists who will be announced soon.

Tell When to Go! DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB

The most cred marriage in emo - Sherri Dupree from Eisley and Chad Gilbert from New Found Glory - is apparently, less than one year in, already over:

Dear friends,

I see you have caught wind of the heartbreak I am currently
going through.
Much to my dismay, the rumors are true of the split of my Husband
and I; And sadly, I do not have the power to change the hearts of man.
I just ask that you would please, respect our privacy at this time,
(I know you will); And refrain from discussing it on this forum. And
thank you for your concern.
The world has been completely turned upside down and I thank you
for your prayers for both of us. Though my heart is broken in half
over this, I know God mends all things in time.

All my love,
Sherri

“Are not five sparrow sold for two pennies?
Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows”
-Luke 12;6-7

Bummer.

I present you with yet another example of that staple of blogdom, that old-reliable dead horse of lulz, the INADVERTANTLY HUMOROUS MAINSTREAMING OF THE EMO CULTURE. YAYYYYYYYYY! Today’s contestant is ultra lame Lovetoknow.com, yet another shining example of why Web 2.0 is twice as lame as Web 1.0. In there stunningly well researched breakdown of Emo Hairstyles, they offer up such gems as “Emo Style Misconceptions”:

Teenagers are frequently misunderstood, and so are their hair styles. Emo styles, in particular, may be misunderstood by parents and adults who see the styles as rebellious or uncaring. Popular misconceptions include:

* Emo styles must be long hair. Even a short hair style can be crafted to reflect the wearer’s emotions, and an emo style with short hair can be just as expressive as one with long hair.
* Emo styles aren’t washed frequently. Because creating a style to reflect one’s emotions may require copious amounts of hair gel and other styling products, many people assume that the hair isn’t clean. While some teenagers may choose not to wash their hair daily, this is not a necessary characteristic of emo styles.
* Only guys wear emo styles. In fact, many young women use their hair styles to express their emotions, and female emo hair cuts are just as popular as those among young men. This misconception comes from the roots of the style, when primarily male bands first introduced the popular look to teenagers.
* Teens who wear emo styles are unstable. Parents and other adults can be nervous when a teen radically changes their hair style, especially if it is outside the accepted bounds of “proper” hair styles. The fact that many emo styles change regularly can be disconcerting to people who don’t understand the type of style. In fact, individuals who wear emo hair styles cannot be judged by the way their hair looks any better than they can be judged by the type of music they listen to or the clothes they wear.

And the even more inspiring “Choosing an Emo Style”:

The best place an individual can look for inspiration for their emo style, however, is inside themselves. Because an emo style is a deeply personal expression, it cannot be copied from another person who many not have the same thoughts, beliefs, or emotions. Certain elements of different hair styles may appeal to many teenagers, but the style should always incorporate personal flair and preferences for color, length, styling, and other details. Consulting with a professional stylist can also help individuals choose expressive styles that are suitable for their face shape, hair texture, and other hair care needs.

Best of all though, are the actual pictures of supposed “emo styles” which range from loser goth creep guy with a fucking dagger earring

to street punk dyke who sucks dick for enough money to buy a tall can of Steel Reserve:

SORRY BRO TOTALLY NOT EMO

I can’t stop reading Encyclopedia Dramatica. So many lulz, so little time. It’s like a Buddyhead for Web 2.0, and since those dudes fell off anyway, ED is now the official winnar of the internet.

The thing about Chris Carrabba, aka Dashboard Confessional, is you know he was one of those dudes who probably ruled at sports and slayed a bunch of gash all through high school, before later on deciding to win at Hella Emo Vox. Thus, he has little patience for bitchmade nerds whining on the internet about bands trying to sell records:

Stop grieving over the fact that some kid at your school that doesn’t dress like you and gets more dates than you do likes Say Anything or Paramour or My Chem or whoever— and listen to the music. And for God sake stop reading message boards and go listen to a real band, in real life, out in the real world, right fucking now!

SO GANGSTA! That my friends, is why Dashboard Confessional is STILL my shit. Forget about it.