Admittedly, when I first saw the words “Speedo LZR,” I thought it was an abbreviation for “speedo loser.” As it turns out, in the world of competitive swimming, this space-aged suit is the polar opposite. (And yes, I just used the term “space age” without a hint of irony. Boner).

According to the Science of Sport blog, on its first professional outing, the swimmer with the Speedo LZR broke the world record…by two entire body lengths. Then the Women’s Dutch 4 x 200m relay team, equipped with the Speedo LZR, beat the world record (set 6 years back by China) by 8 seconds. I don’t know jack about professional competitive swimming, but even I know that’s kind of a big deal.

This brings to mind the whole juicing in sports argument: these people train every day for their profession; to be the best athlete, using all the technology available to get every ounce of power…so why not use drugs to further this concept? The problem is that unless everyone is doing the same drugs and has access to the same equipment and training, the competition would be unfair. Plus, you can’t make athletes who are ethically opposed to juicing use the stuff. We’re not living in a Brave new World just yet.

So in the case of the Speedo LZR, it might give the athlete an unfair technological advantage….unless every athlete was using them.

But on the other side of the coin, maybe to make it REALLY fair, they all should just swim naked, original Roman-Greko Olympics style. That would sure make the Women’s backstroke more interesting for me.

I will always have a soft spot in my heart of hidden hearts for Fat Wreck Chords figureheads NOFX, despite the fact that my pubescent, nascent punk rock months were really short-lived. Here, Mike is bored with life and music, hates the usual spots he plays, hates TV people, and yeah, likes drugs and shit.

“Hey I’m Jewish, I can say ‘goddamned jews.’”

He says he likes Tat, who I met for a second at the Four Seasons. They were nice dudes. Fat Mike is a lovable jerk, isn’t he?

$175 3-day “Early Bird” passes are on sale now, so you better get on that shit before you’re paying a scalper with an eight ball and your 3-week old baby. After the “Early Bird” tickets are sold out, $190 “Advance” 3-Day passes go on sale…followed by Regular Old “Jacking Up The Prices For the Fuck of It” $205 tickets.

So quick, go here and SPEND early birds, SPEND. But on what, exactly?

Details haven’t really been announced, but the main speculation in the blogosphere (blech) is that Radiohead will be headlining. The date of the show is August 1st - 3rd at Grant park in Chicago, that’s for sure. Otherwise, it’s a big question mark with a bigger dollar sign attached to it. The 130-band lineup will be announced on April 7th. Talk about rolling the dice! Yes, the possibility of Radiohead headlining makes for a good pitch, and given the Lollapalooza track record there’s most likely going to be some awesome groups announced. Still, that does not leave out the possibility of Radiohead playing for an hour, and Satellite Party doing handfuls of ecstasy pills and playing the rest of the weekend…

Go Perry GO!

According to a five month long investigation by the Associated Press, the drinking water of as many as 41 million Americans contains trace amounts of pharmaceuticals, varying from sex hormones to mood stabilizers. While the amount of drugs is exceedingly small, the notion that society is ingesting unknown combinations of various compounds, even at such small dosages, is undoubtedly raising questions of potential health risks.

To be sure, the concentrations of these pharmaceuticals are tiny, measured in quantities of parts per billion or trillion, far below the levels of a medical dose. Also, utilities insist their water is safe.

But the presence of so many prescription drugs — and over-the-counter medicines like acetaminophen and ibuprofen — in so much of our drinking water is heightening worries among scientists of long-term consequences to human health.

Now you might be asking yourself, whose dosing up all our drinking water? Perhaps it’s a government initiative towards population control or maybe the latest in radical bio-terrorism? In actuality, it’s nothing quite that sinister. The drugs enter our water supply as a result of the assorted medications we take daily.

People take pills. Their bodies absorb some of the medication, but the rest of it passes through and is flushed down the toilet. The wastewater is treated before it is discharged into reservoirs, rivers or lakes. Then, some of the water is cleansed again at drinking water treatment plants and piped to consumers. But most treatments do not remove all drug residue.

As I sit here sipping the glass of ice cold H2O, I’m not exactly comforted by the fact that I could be sucking down some Viagra mingled with Ortho Tricyclen. Even if it’s only in trace amounts, that combination can’t be healthy. Still I guess we’re safe for the moment until research says otherwise. It does however make me wonder, if medications can seep into the water supply, why not more illicit drugs as well? Doc I swear I’m not on drugs, I just like to stay hydrated.

Sit down Waldo, tonight’s Van Halen Concert at John Paul Jones Arena in Charlottesville, VA has been postponed. According to the Richmond Times Dispatch the band’s equipment trucks had already arrived at the venue, suggesting a last-minute catastrophe. Normally we would speculate cocaine/herion overdose, but the boys are getting up there in age; perhaps heart attack or stroke? Maybe Eddie Van Halen’s hair is suffering from exhaustion. Either way, countless Budweiser-fueled tailgate parties will be postponed until an undetermined later date. Same goes for Monday’s concert in Duluth, GA.

John Paul Jones could not be reached for comment. But I still think his production on Butthole Surfers’ Independent Worm Saloon was totally badass.

Whatever, you still can’t front on the drum intro to “Hot For Teacher.”

In other news, I haven’t seen how Eddie Van Halen looks in a bit. Let’s check in:

Eghad! Keith Richards he isn’t. I guess decades of rock doesn’t suit everybody well. Wicked Witch of the West over here.

Proving there’s no such thing as bad press and that face and neck tattoos make for a killer mug shot, rapper Lil’ Wayne (born Dwayne Michael Carter) was arrested by border patrol at a US Border checkpoint on Interstate 8 in Dateland, AZ, on Tuesday night around 11:30 PM. Drug-sniffing dogs alerted officers that something might be afoot and Wayne’s bus, which was transporting 11 other people, was pulled aside for a consensual search.

Officers found:

Carter faces local possession charges (the feds passed on this one), and two other passengers are looking at narcotics charges. Wayne was released on bail, but has a court date set for Friday morning. In other news, his new album, The Carter III is due out in February.