The southern Helmand region of Afghanastan produces roughly 2/3 of the world’s opium supply, which is used to create heroine, among other drugs. The police down there, apparently, get first crack at the good stuff.

From BBC:

Sixty per cent of the Afghan police in the country’s southern province of Helmand use drugs, it is claimed…

The police are constantly under threat from the Taleban,” says Abdul Ghafoor, director of the Regional Studies Centre of Afghanistan, a think-tank based in Kabul.

“To escape from the psychological pressure they often turn to drugs.”

New office poll: What drugs is Joaquin Phoenix on? Seriously?
Reply with your thoughts, please.

I just figured it out: US Gold Medalist Michael Phelps is such a super badass that he has to use performance diminishing drugs in order for his opponents stand a chance. Commentators may be all up in arms about the photo circulating, depicting Phelps taking a Bea Arthur*, but they’ve got it twisted. In a show of true sportsmanship, Phelps occasionally smokes marijuana to give himself a handicap, otherwise no one would bother racing him. If he gets any better at swimming, he will need to start taking quaaludes mid-dive.

*Photo from SI.

(But if he got any better at swimming, he would technically be a dolphin.)

* Bea Arthur…you see, BR? Bong rip? Yeah, had to have that one explained to me too.

This is a huge shocker. Pot rockers Slightly Stupid were caught at the Canadian Border with over 9000 pounds of pot, some shrooms and about 12 glass bongs. The result? A $5,000 fine and some autographed C.D.s for the officer’s kids. Fucking shocker, amIright?!

All puns on the band name aside, when Slightly Stoopid passed through the U.S./Canadian border recently, they gave customs (and us) something to write home about: they were caught with an eye-raising amount of marijuana and paraphernalia — a whole three ounces and more than a dozen glass bongs. Oh yeah, and a handful of hallucinogenic mushrooms.

Fortunately for them, border patrol knows the cred that bringing home autographed CDs might get you with the kids. According to the website Celebstoner, the band escaped with two members getting written warnings, a $5,000 fine and a proverbial “tsk-tsk” (for felony charges that carry possible imprisonment). A band-issued statement claims that afterwards, the officer “asked for an autographed CD and told the band to have a good show in Fargo.”

As described in a post on his own web site that has since been deleted, Chiodos / Cinematic Sunrise frontman Craig Owens apparently almost overdosed on drugs last night, and has since checked himself in to a mental health facility:

so, after an attempted overdose early yesterday morning, i found myself awake in the emergency room around 8 - 12 hours later.

however, don’t worry about me, i’m fine. i am being checked into a mental clinic beginning tomorrow at 8 am.

i’d like to apologize to everyone at Power Chord Academy, for me not being able to make it to speak to all of the kids tomorrow in Chicago. i promise to make it up, the best that i can and hopefully will be able to reschedule the entire event.

wish me luck, and let’s hope that i learn from this, and that i am able get out very soon.

craig.

This is a bummer for Matt Jones.

When hanging out in Arkansas, it would probably be best not to do hard drugs in public. Unfortunately, this thought did not occur to the Jacksonville Jaguar’s wide receiver, who was busted chopping up lines in his car early Thursday morning. Police also found a jar with “marijuana residue,” which probably isn’t going to help Jones’ situation. Good luck, buddy.