The reason is you can do pretty much whatever the hell you want. Like if you’re Robin Williams and you decide “fuck it, wifey’s getting old, and that artist I was introduced to at that party was making eyes. It’s ON.” Pretty sure that’s exactly how it happened. The celebrity-gossip blogosphere is BUZZING with the news that Funnyman Robin Williams has been boinking 27-year-old artist Charlotte Filbert. This was originally reported by the bastions of supermarket aisle integrity, The National Enquirer. No, I’m pretty sure they didn’t use the term “boinking.” That’s all mine. Trying to bring that one back. The pair were introduced by mutual friend Ally Hillfinger (erstwhile television personality and daughter of Tommy).

Robin Williams

In the Feudal Age Kings could be - and indeed were SUPPOSED to be - dirty old men. In fact, for us mere mortal men, that’s like the one thing we have to look forward to once the pubes go gray: being a dirty old man. Infidelity aside, I can sympathize with poor Williams, 56 years old, famous and deciding he wants to fuck something that less resembles a baseball mitt (no offense to soon-to-be former Mrs. Williams, I’m speaking in general here).

Robin and Marcia Williams

Wait, never mind. Yeeeeeichh. Maybe 25 years ago… The couple had been separated for upwards of two years (as some reports claim), and divorce papers were filed on 3/21/08. Now the Williams will be working out the blood money…and this claim surfaces two weeks after the papers were filed? COINCIDENCE?

I guess that’s one thing that separates Feudal Royalty from Today’s Stars: You still gotta pay out the nose for your misdeeds. That and you don’t need to worry about getting scurvy.