Here is a bit of completely inane and completely meaningless news that seems to be capturing the hearts and minds of women over thirty across the world: Some bitches took Ellen DeGeneres’s dog! DeGeneres had given the dog to her hairdresser, because her cats weren’t taking well to its presence, which violated the terms of the adoption that she agreed to when getting the dog from a non-profit organization called Mutts and Moms. After the dog was taken by the organization for this violation, Ellen went on her show, sobbed in great dramatic form and begged for the return of her precious pooch (of course, not to her, but to her hairdresser). The organization would not relent on their decision, however, saying that they didn’t want to give her special treatment just because she is a celebrity. Well, apparently Ellen has some fans that aren’t about to put up with that mess; Mutts and Moms has been receiving numerous threats to their lives and property, as well as threats of a boycott, ever since Ellen’s on-air plea. What is wrong with people? Who the fuck cares about some celebrity losing a dog they had already given away? Whoever you are, do the rest of us a favor, and just kill yourself, please.

It was reported last night that Randy Rhodes, the guitarist widely thought responsible for re-launching Ozzy Osbourne’s post-Black Sabbath musical career, was attacked in New York city near 39th Street and Park Avenue. In addition to his noted career as a heavy metal guitar virtuoso, Rhodes, who died in a plane crash in 1982, was an avid classical guitarist….

It was reported last night that Randi Rhodes, talk show host on progressive radio station Air America, was attacked in New York city near 39th Street and Park Avenue while walking her dog…

Damn, blog-journalism is hard. Looks like Randi Rhodes’ “attack” has been reduced to an “accident,” according to a post on Air America’s web site:

October 16-NEW YORK-On Sunday evening, October 14, Air America host Randi Rhodes experienced an unfortunate incident hindering her from hosting her show. The reports of a presumed hate crime are unfounded. Ms. Rhodes looks forward to being back on the air on Thursday.

…and of course, a Wikipedia post (which is ALWAYS A TOTALLY RELIABLE AND FACTUAL RESOURCE…)

On Sunday, October 14, 2007, Rhodes was walking her dog when she fell and sustained injuries that kept her off the air for several days. Air America host Jon Elliott erroneously claimed on his October 15 show that Rhodes had been the victim of a savage mugging. Elliott went on to speculate that this was not just a random event, but that it may have been politically motivated. [1] A lawyer for Rhodes subsequently confirmed that the incident was an accident and no crime had taken place. [2]

Now I don’t know what to believe… I’ve resorted to assuming this whole thing is just propaganda; a liberal plot to gain sympathy from weak minded fence-sitters in middle America… Hell with it, I’m just gonna find my Randy Rhodes Tribute cassette and tune the fuck out…

Four inches of cuteness.

Because when everything in the world is going to hell, a dog in China adopts a little black piglet and nurses it like it was one of it’s own puppies.

If only we could have more of this kind of shit, maybe I wouldn’t feel like a piece of fucking crap every day of my life.

Britney may be no coke-head Lindsey Lohan, but she’s just as crazy and probably more dangerous. The poptart not only has custody of her two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James, but also a poor little pooch with a little bit of IBS.

 At a recent OK! Magazine shoot, Britney not only ruined a $274 dollar designer dress by wiping her greasy money-grubbing digits on them (Brit, that’s not the quilted quicker-picker-upper..) but her dear doggy also took the time to do number two on a pretty little $6,700 gown. I guess Brit’s not only full of crap put her pooch is, too…

 Brit tried to pull some MAJOR damage control and begged OK! to disregard her actions during the shoot (there were also some rumored open-door bathroom visits and the constant need to complain about the length of her skirt) but OK! says “NO WAY!” and plans to publish a full account of the disaster in the next issue. You can read a bit about the poptart tragedy here, but I’d personally wait for the magazine so I get to full visual and all the giggles I could ask for.

 Silly little popstars.. didn’t your mommies ever teach you to use napkins and wear underwear?

In other news, Lindsey Lohan is also a nutcase. See here for details.