So my girlfriend finally decided that my favorite shorts, some ancient se7en jeans that long ago became cut-offs, have long since passed their expiration date and need to be thrown in the trash immediately. This is a sad day. I mean, besides the giant blood stain on the left leg, the thin strand of material separating my balls from the free air and that fact that anyone caring to look can basically see the outline of my dick at any point during the day, I don’t really see what’s wrong with these shorts. But whatever. I’ll just get some new ones, which will some day be old ones, and then one day I’ll die and it won’t matter anyway.

John McCain says that he would “veto every beer” on accident in this clip. It’s funny and everything, but if that crusty old fuck touches my beer I will kick his shriveled little dick in the dirt.

So there’s this bum hangout right around the corner from the Synthesis office. It’s like this shelter for young adults who want to sit around all day smoking cigarettes and hanging on the couch in the air conditioning with their pit bull mix instead of, well, anything else. Today on my way to get coffee, Dain and I walked by this young derelict who asks, almost as an afterthought, if he could bum a cigarette. It might have been a cold move, but this was my response:

I think singing one bar of the The Silhouettes’ “Get a Job” got my point across.

Being a dick is awesome.

Seminal political punk rock group The Subhumans, who in the 80s reminded people in the punk scene that inventiveness and raw energy are not mutually exclusive, are on the return. Their new album, Internal Riot, was released a few short months ago, ending a nine-year hiatus from new material. Now they’re bringing it back to the states. The Subhumans are back out on tour and will be hitting the US west coast in April. Check out the live dates after the jump.

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Oh come on, gimme some funny captions. Here’s mine: “Not thorny, but horny.”