Get out your moping shoes, Brit-rock sensations Coldplay have announced their North American touring plans for Summer and Fall of 2008. The tour, which shall kick off in Philadelphia at the end of June, will be in support of their upcoming fourth full length album, Viva La Vida (nee Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends), due out June 17th on Capitol Records. You can find ticket information here or here. The band will also play a few pre-tour dates, including London (June 16th, Brixton Academy) and New York (June 23rd, Madison Square Garden).

6/29 Philadelphia, PA Wachovia Center 5/16
7/2 Washington, DC Verizon Center 5/17
7/3 Hartford, CT XL Center 5/17
7/5 Detroit, MI The Palace of Auburn Hills 5/17
7/6 Cleveland, OH Quicken Loans Arena 5/17
7/8 St. Paul, MN Xcel Energy Center 5/17
7/9 Kansas City, MO Sprint Center 5/17
7/10 Oklahoma City, OK Ford Center 5/16
7/12 Phoenix, AZ Jobing.com Arena 5/17
7/19 Las Vegas, NV MGM Grand Garden Arena 5/17
7/21 Sacramento, CA ARCO Arena
7/24 San Jose, CA HP Pavilion
7/27 Pemberton, BC Pemberton Festival
7/29 Edmonton, AB Rexall Place
7/30 Calgary, AB Pengrowth Saddledome
8/1 Winnipeg, MB MTS Centre
8/3 Omaha, NE Qwest Center
8/4 Chicago, IL United Center
10/20 Montreal, QC Bell Centre
10/21 Ottawa, ON Scotiabank Place
10/26 East Rutherford, NJ Izod Center
10/29 Toronto, ON Air Canada Centre
10/30 Toronto, ON Air Canada Centre
11/3 Boston, MA TD Banknorth Garden
11/11 Atlanta, GA Philips Arena
11/18 Houston, TX Toyota Center
11/19 Dallas, TX American Airlines Center
11/21 Denver, CO Pepsi Center
11/22 Salt Lake City, UT Energy Solutions Arena

As announced last Friday, the world’s most irresponsibly deadly animated metal band, Dethklok, will be hitting the road starting June 2nd to annihilate the masses in real time. This is of course exciting in and of itself. But in addition, the barbaric five piece has been busy sharpening their guitar headstocks and Flying V tail fins for decapitations/impalings on the continuation of their second season on [adult swim], which will premier Sunday, May 18th at the only time imaginable (midnight). This follows up a wildly successful start:

In fall 2007, a real-life version of Dethklok, led by co-creator Brendon Small, embarked on a national tour, playing at college campuses around the United States. The college tour heralded the release of the hugely successful album The Dethalbum. The album features songs written and performed by Small from the first season of Metalocalypse, and it debuted at #21 on the Billboard Top 200 as the highest-charting death metal album of all time. Dethklok will embark on its second nationwide tour this summer when Adult Swim Presents Metalocalype’s Dethklok kicks-off on June 2 and travels to 28 cities.

John, that’s “Cougar” to you, Mellencamp is due out with his 23rd album on July the 15th. Title of record? Life, Death, Love and Freedom. Considering his last release was entitled Freedom Road and rode a brown water wave off the ham hock Chevy truck mega hit “Our Country,” I would have to say that Life, Death, Love and Freedom is one of the worst album names in the history of music. I don’t think Mellencamp is a bad guy; his intentions are good and he sings out against racism and the likes. But shouldn’t there be a limit to the amount of cheese on that burger, John?

According to the Norwegian tabloid Verdens Gang, Kaja Bordevich Ballo, daughter of Norwegian Parliament member Olav Gunnar Ballo, reportedly took her own life [English translation] after scoring poorly on a Scientology personality test. There is some skepticism as to the validity of the report. The results of the test were time-stamped just hours before Ballo’s death, but this could merely be an excuse to cover up the real cause of death, given that Kaja comes from a politically motivated family.

As you may have heard, the personality test, also called the Oxford Capacity Analysis (OCA) or American Personality Analysis, is offered free by the Church of Scientology and comprises an integral part of their recruitment efforts. The test however, has been extensively criticized as it almost exclusively yields negative results. Here are some testimonials from people who have taken the test:
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John A. Wheeler died of pneumonia Sunday at his home in Hightstown, NJ. He was 96 years old. Wheeler was a contemporary of Albert Einstein and Niels Bohr and had been credited with coining the phrase “black hole” in reference to a collapsed star. If it weren’t for Wheeler, the term might have been the less-sexy “gravitationally completely collapsed star,” which would have been sucky.

Wheeler also had a hand in the creation of the atomic bomb. Unlike other people involved with the project, Wheeler’s only regret was that it wasn’t completed sooner to bring a faster end to the European theater of World War II, which claimed the life of his brother Joe in 1944. Wheeler later helped develop the hydrogen bomb.

Receiving his doctorate at just 21 years old, Wheeler also taught at Princeton and the University of Texas at Austin (Hook ‘em Horns!). One of his students was Richard Feynman, who went on to win the Noble Prize in 1965. Wheeler is survived by three children as well as some grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Living pretty much right off of I-5, you get to form a pretty close relationship with methamphetamines; either as a user or spectator. Glad to say myself and (most of) my friends fall squarely in the latter category. But it certainly is entertaining to bike by those deep into their herky-jerky meth binges. It’s almost lovable. Almost…

Nothing like beauty tips from meth addicts…here’s how to turn a scum bag into a total piece of shit: Just add meth. Our local version is almost as sweet as the national.